Thanks to being some of the biggest personalities across the pond in the UK, MADD mother-daughter duo in social media/reality television personalities Sue and Imani Evans are bringing their talents to INSCMagazine in a weekly dating advice column titled, ‘Agony Aunt Advice”
Agony Aunt Advice will cover and address various questions about dating, sex and relationships from readers both across the pond and here in the States. If you have a question, you’d like for Sue and Imani to answer in a column, please send them to our email of [email protected]
Hi Sue & Imani,
My boyfriend is very successful and he flashes his cash all the time. He’s not tight at all and spends thousands on fancy gifts for me regularly. The gifts range from louboutins to designer handbags and all of my friends say I’m so lucky.
The problem is, I have a normal job and sometimes struggle financially to pay all of my bills on time. I would much rather him help me get my life in order than give me lavish gifts that just sit in the boxes! Do I ask him to help me financially instead of the gifts or will he think I’m just a gold digger?
Imani says: – Hi Danielle, your boyfriend probably thinks he’s being the best boyfriend ever by spoiling you rotten with all these designer goods but boxes of expensive shoes are the last thing you need if you’re struggling to pay your bills. Why have a Chanel bag if you’ve got no money to put in it? You need to have a conversation with him and ask him to lay off with the lavish gifts for a while and see if he would rather put the money he’s spending on you to better use.
He could help you to start up a business or help you get further qualifications that will help towards a pay rise. There’s no reason why he would think you are a gold digger. Gold diggers would be pretty happy with the gifts! If anything, he should be pleased that his girlfriend is thinking smart and I’m sure he will respect the fact that you want to better yourself. From what you’ve said he sounds pretty successful so maybe he can be your mentor? Then hopefully at some point in the future you can both spoil each other!
Sue says: – Wow! Danielle, you are a lucky girl my dear! Having a generous boyfriend can help, can’t it? I can think of a lovely business venture that you would do well in. Sell the handbags and the shoes then make a flaming FORTUNE! Ok enough fun, I’m only joking. I do think that your boyfriend loves you and wants to give you fab things so please do have a little chat about the situation and just ask him to help you to be successful too.
In my experience this will help you to delve deeper into his character instead of him just delving deeper into his pockets. The real person will be revealed when you ask him to help you with progress and not just with presents. If he is willing to help you move forward, keep him but if he isn’t going to up his ante then, get rid!
I met a girl a few years ago and we really fancied each other but at the time we were both in relationships. Every few months she would still send me flirtatious messages and I would send them back. Recently my long term relationship came to an end and she swooped right in there and suggested we go for a drink. When I saw her again after all these years I didn’t feel anything at all. I’m no longer attracted to her but she won’t leave me alone. She constantly sends me messages and sometimes I ignore them because I don’t know what to say. How do I get her to leave me alone? I’m temped to block her on everything.
Imani says: – Look, if you really don’t fancy the bird anymore just tell her! Blocking her will be hurtful and she won’t know what she’s done wrong. You can copy and paste this… “Hey, I know I’ve been a little off recently and it’s because things don’t feel the same. I really fancied you but when we met up I just didn’t feel the spark.
I wanted to be honest with you as it would nice to remain friends.” It’s straight to the point, yet still polite with the hope of a potential friendship. What more could she want? Women just want to be told the truth even though it may hurt sometimes. There’s nothing worse than a lie, or a blocking in this case!
Sue says: – I really do have to agree with Imani on this one, I cant even think of anything to add except maybe, why should you feel bad about telling her how you really feel. People move on all the time. There are people in my past who I thought were absolutely delicious and now when I look back I literally want to puke. I mean, what was I thinking? I’m not suggesting that this girl makes you feel sick but she clearly she makes you feel something that’s NOT QUITE RIGHT so just tell her that it was nice meeting up but you don’t wish to pursue a lovey dovey relationship so err, friends will do, Thank you!
Hi Sue & Imani,
I come from a religious family but have never shared the same views and beliefs as my parents. When I was younger I had to go along with it because there was no other choice. I’ve just turned 20 and I’m starting to hate living at home because they constantly moan about the things I do. They don’t like me being on social media and don’t agree with me going out partying. The last straw was when they told me I’m not allowed to have a boyfriend, I’m not a child for goodness sake! Do you think that 20 is too young to move out and leave home?
Imani says: – Hey Ash! This is a very difficult one and there are a lot of things to consider. I think that at the age of 20 moving out should really be your last resort. You need to try everything else before jumping straight to that idea. You need to call a family meeting where you speak your mind in a very respectful way. If you start screaming and shouting they are likely to just think you are a devil child acting up.
Keep it calm and tell them that their over protective behaviour is pushing you away and although you respect their religious views, it just isn’t for you. If this doesn’t work then you could talk to another family member that they are likely to listen to. Although you aren’t religious it is important to try and compromise in order to keep the peace. Try not to do certain things around them if you know it will purposely wind them up. Moving out is a huge step and there are pros and cons to everything so think this through before taking that leap!
Sue says: – Hey Ashley, I don’t really agree with Imani on this one. I think if you want to leave then go. 20 years old is an adult, a young adult but still grown. I also believe that if you are still being a respectable person at home, and it sounds to me like you are, then what more can you do to keep the peace. Obviously only you can know just how much your parents expect from you and only you can make the decision to leave or stay. There are real life changes that you will have to consider though, so here goes.
1. You will have to find your own money to pay your own bills.
2. You will have to buy and cook your own meals and wash the dishes afterwards.
3. You will have to clean up your own mess which includes laundry, hoovering ,bed making etc.
4. You will probably have to live with strangers at first, people who you hardly know in house shares or roommate scenarios.
Can you handle it?
I left home when I was 19 years old but I had my own apartment, a good job and a fiance in tow so it wasn’t too difficult for me, plus I saw my Mum every single day because we lived in the same area. Think everything through girl and then do what is right for you. Good luck!
Hi Imani & Sue,
I really hope you can help. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and I love him to bits. Everything is perfect and I do truly believe he is the one. I went on a wild night out with my friends last weekend and did something that I regret. I had a steamy passionate kiss with a girl on the dance floor.
I’m not attracted to girls in the slightest and it was just a drunken mistake! It’s been on my mind every day since but I’m terrified to spill the beans because I don’t know what his reaction will be. Is this considered cheating even though I’m 100% straight?
Imani says: – In answer to your question, yes it is considered cheating. There had to of been a build up to this steamy passionate kiss throughout the night. I’m sure you didn’t just walk up to a stranger and grab her head and shove it towards yours! There must of been words exchanged, a dance or two and maybe even some flirting.
The fact that you have been worrying about this every day means you have no choice but to come clean as nobody needs that guilt on their shoulders. You will have to just hope that your boyfriend laughs it off although if that isn’t the case he does have every right to be upset. No matter what you think his reaction will be it’s best to admit it at your next opportunity otherwise he will feel betrayed that you have kept this secret for so long. The sooner the better, good luck!
Sue says: – Steam and passion don’t just happen because you are drunk it happens because our inhibitions are down when we are intoxicated and that means that we can often become more daring and play more dangerously. You may of said you are 100% straight but if that was the case you probably would have done your kissing with a boy. You obviously must have found this girl physically attractive in some way, don’t you agree?
If you didn’t like her face, body or both your lips would not have locked with hers. If you don’t believe me then go on a day out at the zoo, drink some booze and see if you are going to kiss the Elephants, Camels or the Giraffes! I have to put it bluntly because I really do feel it’s best for you to be open when coming clean. You liked the girl so you kissed the girl. SIMPLE. You may love your boyfriend and want to stay with him which is fine so if you want to have a meaningful relationship with him please tell him what happened. You can do this!
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Special thanks to Sue and Imani Evans, King Publishing and Intrigue Agency for their help and assistance.