Thanks to being some of the biggest personalities across the pond in the UK, MADD mother-daughter duo in social media/reality television personalities Sue and Imani Evans are bringing their talents to INSCMagazine in a weekly dating advice column titled, ‘Agony Aunt Advice”
Agony Aunt Advice will cover and address various questions about dating, sex and relationships from readers both across the pond and here in the States. If you have a question, you’d like for Sue and Imani to answer in a column, please send them to our email of [email protected]
Dear Imani and Sue,
My fella has become addicted to his Xbox, playing games sometimes 8-10 hours daily. When he gets home from work, he prefers to get straight on the Xbox instead of converse with me. When I express my annoyance, he gets defensive, claiming I’m being too uptight and am just out to ruin his fun. He says he goes on the Xbox to unwind after a hard day at work and I should “Just chill out”…
What can I do? Am I being unreasonable by asking him to stop playing it some days? I’m in two minds to smash up his console!
Imani says – Hi Amy, I’m so sorry to here that you are being neglected by your man. It sounds like he may have an addiction because 8-10 HOURS a day is definitely excessive and it’s certainly not healthy. The fact that you have already told him how you feel and he’s still not listening says a lot about his lack of respect towards you and your feelings. It’s time to put your foot down once and for all!
Tell him you understand it helps him to unwind but there’s other things you can do as a couple to unwind in the evenings like spending quality time watching a film together or having a nice meal. He needs to cut his playing time by at least 50% to show that he is really taking your concerns seriously. Another idea is having a couples game night so you can get involved too and not feel left out. If he turns down that idea it’s probably because he’s scared to get beaten by a girl!
Sue says – Amy, poor you! How long have you been putting up with this crap? How many hours did you say? Look honey, the guy is in denial dear. He definitely needs some kind of help with his little CHILL OUT activity. Clearly he isn’t listening to you and his defensive behaviour means that he really doesn’t give a damn. When he comes home to his GAME tomorrow make sure that it is gone girl. Don’t smash it up though, just give it to a local charity darling. If he gets upset tell him to go and buy it back and do this everyday until he gets the message. Good luck babe!
Hi Imani and Sue,
My girlfriend and I are both on social media, but out of respect for her, I never interact with females on it. My girlfriend is the complete opposite, Unbeknown to her, I found lots of flirtatious and sexually heated conversations with guys on her Instagram account and saw she regularly ‘likes’ and comments on photos of guys who are good looking.
When I confronted her saying I think messaging other guys is disrespectful and a form of cheating, she laughed and told me to grow up. She said it’s just harmless fun and doesn’t count as cheating because she hasn’t met-up with the guys in person. She refuses to stop messaging other men.. What is your opinion on this?
Imani says – Hi Jeremy, your girlfriend sounds like she’s not just your girlfriend but she’s also everyone else’s! She is cheating on you whether she wants to admit it or not. Having sexual conversations with other men is definitely not on and the only person that needs to grow up is her. I think you should ask her why she is craving attention from other people and ask her if she feels like anything is missing from your own relationship.
If something is missing for her then try your best to explain that if she values your relationship she should spend her energy talking to you about it instead of throwing herself about on social media. Perhaps nothings missing, maybe you just aren’t the one for her. You need to get to the bottom of this so you can know exactly where you stand.
Sue says – Jeremy, I don’t think there is anything wrong with interacting with the opposite sex on social media but deliberately flirting and sexual innuendo is going a bit to far. So I think that your girlfriend is trying to push your buttons to get a response from you. She is very insecure indeed and needs attention from any man who will give it to her. How sad this must be for you.Tell her to STOP and if she doesn’t its time for you to make a clear cut decision about who you are. Are you a MAN or a MINGY MOUSE. Come on Jeremy, get a grip will ya and stop putting up with this nonsense!
Dear Sue and Imani,
I’m engaged to be married and my fiancée and I have just found out that my fiancée can’t have children. She can’t stand the thought of a surrogate because she hates the idea of another woman carrying my child. She said we can either adopt or just enjoy life without children.
I love her with all my heart, but having my biological children in the future is something I really want to do.
I come from a big family and the thought of not fathering my own kids to carry on my genes/family tree upsets me. I’m not sure I’d want to adopt though. I don’t want to leave my fiancée but I don’t know what to do about this situation? Please help!
Imani says – Hi Stephen, this really is a complicated one and it’s going to take many conversations between the both of you to figure this one out. You both want children but she wants to adopt and you would prefer a surrogate… so the good thing here is that you both have the same end goal. It would be much trickier if only one of you wanted children.
The thought of a surrogate probably scares her as she may be worried and see it as a 3rd person is your relationship, reassuring her that you wont love her any less is the key to getting her to come around to the idea. One of you is going to have to compromise and I would suggest going to couples counselling to help you come to your decision.
Sometimes it’s easier to have a middle man when you are trying to get clarity on a situation and talking it out is healthy for the both of you. I’m confident that you will figure it out in the end and best of luck to you both!
Sue says – Stephen, I agree with Imani 100% and I do actually understand your girlfriends fear as well. She may feel really inadequate because she cannot carry your children and when you both get professional counselling on the matter she may begin to feel better.
Surrogates very rarely get attached to the parents of the baby that they are carrying, to them it more like a job or a calling in life.Pregnancy is a lot of hard work and its not usually lovey dovey unless you are emotionally invested with the father so get to a professional session as quickly as you can and I do hope that this situation will be resolved soon.
Hey Sue and Imani,
My girlfriend’s pretty got the whole package (beautiful, intelligent, funny), with the exception of one thing – sex appeal!! Having sex with her is like getting it on with a robot, she’s really boring in between the sheets and lacks adventure.
I can’t go on like this for much longer. My last girlfriend was like a porn star in bed and I’m craving that sexual excitement. How can I turn my current girlfriend in to a sexual goddess?
Imani says – Hey William, Have you ever thought about being honest with your girlfriend like you are being honest with us now? A lot of things can be solved by simply talking.. How will she know how you feel if you don’t tell her?
Also, its important for you to understand that you shouldn’t want to ‘turn her into’ anything but instead help her to become an improved version of herself.
Reminiscing about your ex bird won’t do you any favours as things couldn’t of been that great because the relationship still came to an end. Respect your girlfriend enough to know that everyone is different and just have an honest chat with her about coming out of her shell more.
Sue says – Well William, Why don’t you start giving your girlfriend some lessons then. I mean it sounds like you did learn from the best! Seriously, why don’t you have that chat with your current girlfriend and ask her how she feels about steamy sex.
That’s the only starting point that I can think of. PLEASE do not tell her about your romps with the ex as that just might make things 10 times worse. Be loving and respectful all the time – and make her feel loved OK?
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Special thanks to Sue and Imani Evans, King Publishing and Intrigue Agency for their help and assistance.