This is a question 99 percent of single women question themselves repeatedly over and over again.
Drake said it best when he wrote the song “Doing it Wrong” advising that we live in a generation of not being in love, but not being together. Here are some red flags that I have gathered over my three long years of singlehood.
I really hope that this helps some women in deciphering if a guy is wanting to play around or really wants to work on a real relationship.
1. Putting an end to date nights: I’ve had this happen repeatedly to myself, and also many women I know. If you go out on a date or two and the guy ends up just wanted to hang inside and be “LOW KEY’ but then realize that he’s only wanting to be low key with me and not in general. If the dates stop, and he just wants to hang inside all the time it’s a huge red flag. If you both decide to do this, then its completely fine, but if you are continually asking to go out and he just wants to hang in, consider it a red flag.
2. Time Texting: When texts start to come in at specific times of the day, or only late at nights, you are most likely an option. Pay attention to the patterns in which his texts are coming through. Even busy guys will find a way to text you to see how you are doing if they are into you. Don’t fall for the “I’m busy” routine and WYA texts. Someone who is genuinely interested in you is going to want to talk to you and see how you are doing throughout the day, he will call you, FaceTime you etc. because he wants to see you.
3. Ghost Texts: Ever get a WYD text and write back and no response? Most likely its because they have texted multiple women and one answered half a second prior to you and now he has no use for you. You may get ghosted due to falling asleep and this might be true. However, if it’s the same time every day, and its a continuous cycle, it is something to look out for. My advice would be to stop answering those texts that come in at the same time everyday and see if those texts stop and if he asks how you have been.
4. The Serious Talk: If they flat out tell you that they are not looking for anything serious, then they truly are not looking for something serious, or you are not enough for him to get serious with. OUCH that hurts right? Don’t let it hurt you, you’ve also done this to many men. If this talk occurs, run for the hills because he has already made up his mind that you are not the one for him. You will forever be trying to tie down a guy that isn’t willing to give you 100 percent of himself-This reads heartbreak all over it.
5. Secret Social Media: If he’s keeping you a secret from his social media, he doesn’t see you as being serious- If he can’t add you on any kind of social media besides Snapchat he’s just not that into you or not that into you yet or he has something to hide.
6. Not Opening Up Emotionally, But Sexually: If a man is consistently having sex with you doggy style, its because he does not want to open up to you emotionally. This is a huge red flag for all women out there dealing with this. Studies show that even though the doggy style position is a favorite for both men and women, a repeated doggy style pattern provides less intimacy because of lack of eye contact. Eye contact is a huge factor in building Intimacy. A man who is not interested in having feelings for you will make this the primary position during your entire “situationship”. PAY CLOSE attention to his body language during sex!
7. The no shame picture game: Ever wonder why he’s not posting any pictures, but still has pictures of his ex on his social media? If you have been seeing each other and it seems serious and he still doesn’t want to show you off, get rid of him!
He’s still looking!
Guys can say over and over again that this isn’t true–and then fall in love–and all of a sudden, his new girlfriend is all over his social media. If you both decide to be private its understandable, but in rare cases, does this happen- If he won’t send you pictures of himself or take pictures with you, but has other women on his social media, you’re definitely an option.
I look at this being a factor in situations where you have been seeing each other for 6 or more months.
8. Fly me away: Yes, vacations and mini-weekend getaways sound really amazing, but if this is all that you are doing with him, and then splitting when you get back, you are just a travel buddy with benefits. Some women really enjoy this and are okay with it, but if you are looking to settle with him, see this as a red flag and take off “pun intended”. You should never spend time with a man that does not show any signs of wanting a commitment if you want a commitment, even if they tempt you with luxurious trips.
I’m not saying to pinpoint just one of these facts and state that he isn’t into you, if there is a combination of five to eight of the above signs, then you’re looking at a really good chance of just being an option. This article is not written for women who do not want to settle down. These men are actually perfect for them. If you have feelings for a man and these factors all come into play, I would suggest that you ditch him and start over again before you set yourself up for a heartbreak.
Question of the column: How do I stop these guys from coming into my life? Continue to date. Continue to date. Continue to date.
I should really take my own advice on this one. Have you ever had two dates lined up in a week and the first one goes so great that you cancel the second one and then the guy from the first one doesn’t want to hang out the night that your second date was suppose to be?
Don’t do this to yourself.
It is in our nature to want to only be with one man and have the one love of our lives however we also need to understand that one great date does not mean he’s the one. Continue to do your daily routine and date until both parties decide not to date anyone else.
This is extremely hard but its something that needs to be done until you know 100 percent that he is the one.
Author Bio: A self-made entrepreneur, model and businesswoman, Philadelphia-born Britt Ogonofski is the Founder and CEO of Tampa-based travel lifestyle brand, Borgiott. Founded in 2015, Brittany studied at Sports Management Worldwide with a concentration on analytics and scouting football.
Previously in a 11-year relationship before being single for the last three years, Brittany has been published in seven magazines–including INSC–and enjoys giving back to the community.
Social Media Links: Facebook: @brittogbmodel | Twitter: @ Brittogbmodel | Instagram: @brittogbmodel and @borgiott