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Dating & Relationships: What To Do When Your Man Gets Disengaged


By John Eisenhoffer

It is not a nice feeling when a man starts to disengage in a relationship. When a man does this, it can make the woman feel slightly rejected. Because she might be feeling rejected, she may start blaming herself when there is nothing that she could have done. It may be something that he needs to work through himself.

This blog post will explain what to do if a man becomes disengaged and also some possible reasons why he has disengaged that women can do something about.

Understand That Him Disengaging Is Natural

Many women reading this may be surprised to hear that a man disengaging in a relationship is actually very common and natural. Even when a man loves a woman he can start to disengage and not because he feels anything other love for her but because he is feeling vulnerable and doesn’t want to lose himself. If a man is pulling away to find himself then the best thing to do is nothing. Let him have his space and come to terms with being in love by himself.

Do The Elastic Band Trick So He Snaps Back

When a man pulls away in a relationship and disengages, it is natural for us women to want to chase after them to get closer.

This is one of the worst things women can do when their man pulls away though. When a woman chases the man to try and get closer, they are in fact removing all incentive for the man to want to get closer. In order to truly get a man to come engage in the relationship again, he must want to do so on his own accord. The best thing women can do is to not ask him what’s wrong, not call him and not text him to try and get closer. Just leave him alone.

When an elastic band is stretched, the ends will snap back together. This is the effect women should create when their men disengage.

Express Your Feelings Wisely

After a man has withdrawn and snapped back, he might be feeling great but how about the woman? As mentioned before, women can feel hurt and rejected when a man pulls away and can’t talk about it because they need to give him space. When a man snaps back though, we can then talk about how his actions hurt us but choose the words wisely. It is important not to cause a fight at this stage but to let him know that you’re happy he is spending more time with you. By not overreacting to his actions, he will want to connect more.

Understand How He Is Feeling

While it is natural for a man to disengage in a relationship, it is important to understand what worries and thoughts are going through his mind so that connection on a much deeper level can be had. A man can disengage because he is scared of having to meet all the woman’s needs. The woman can show that this isn’t as bad as it may appear by understanding his needs openly without judgement or overreaction. Once he sees he his girlfriend do it then he can learn to do the same and will engage back in the relationship.

Focus On Yourself

While his girlfriend is giving him space to incentivize himself to want to engage in the relationship again, she can spend that time focusing on herself. Doing this will not only help her to find her true self too but will also help to create the elastic band effect. Because he loves her and doesn’t want to lose her, if he sees that she is doing her own thing then he might worry that being distant is pushing her away. This will incentivize him to snap back and engage in the relationship once more.

Determine Why He Is Disengaging

While the majority of men disengage because they need to find themselves, some men can disengage when there are problems in the relationship. These things are something that the woman can work on and improve so as to get him engaged again. Read through these common annoyances that might be pushing him further away.

Constant Whining

Constant whining can take its toll on anyone whether it is a man or a woman. If his girlfriend or wife is constantly on at him to do this and do that then it won’t be long before he blows and loses interest. At this point, he will disengage and will initiate very little conversation or interaction. The best thing to do here is to instil a bit of fun back into the relationship and start positive conversations. It is also important to show that he is appreciated which will help to draw him back in.

Adding Too Much Pressure

Men tend to hate too much change and so when a woman is talking about having kids, getting married or buying a home, it can have a negative effect on the relationship if he isn’t thinking the same. Putting too much pressure on a man to get married or have kids will push him away and disengage. The best thing to do is to stop talking about kids and marriage and just let the relationship go at its own pace.

Being Too Comfortable

Sometimes being too comfortable with a man can cause him to disengage. Talking about the toilet or periods aren’t conversations that he most likely wants to have with his girlfriend or wife. While it is great to feel comfortable in a relationship, sometimes it is best to keep some things back.

Being Too Dependent

While men naturally want to take care of women, they do not want to pay for everything or hold their hand through everything. Men want women to be women and not little girls which is what being too dependent can come across as. Learn how to do things such as fix a lightbulb without a man and offer to pay for dates and other things to keep him engaged.


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Robert D. Cobb
Founder, Publisher and CEO of INSCMagazine. Works have appeared and featured in places such as Forbes, Huffington Post, ESPN and NBC Sports to name a few. Follow me on Twitter at @RobCobb_INSC, email me at [email protected]

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