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Free Yourself From Toxic Relationships

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If there’s been a time in your current relationship or one from the past that made you feel like running away and never looking back. With the only reason to stay, excuses that get made.

The reason being the threat of never finding someone else, being single, never having a better relationship then this, so you settle.

A toxic relationship doesn’t just apply to a boyfriend or girlfriend it’s also other friends, colleagues and people who have authority over you. Understanding the characteristics and the signs helps, so in the future it’s easy to recognize the situation and make sure it’s handled properly.

Every relationship has times where the two individuals will disagree over trivial matter. What’s important is how it gets resolved.

People who are toxic often have charm and are seductive to keep their partner intrigued. The best way to handle these situations is to avoid or at least become aware of what might happen. Before even beginning a relationship get to know that person well.

In case it is unavoidable and you’re in a toxic relationship now,  be strong enough to get out of it and let your friends know as well.

As for myself I know personally firsthand how a toxic relationship works. I seem to get drawn to them and the sad part is that I know better and yet it still happens. In this situation we are both at fault.

Sometime the relationship works and at other times it’s a train wreck. This has to do with codependency, which is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated who is affected with a pathological conditions. This refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another.

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If this sounds like any sort of relationship you are in or might have been in? Take a look at these red flags:

  • You are put you down verbally, in private or in front of others.
  • Your partner isolates you from your family, friends and even kids.
  • Your partner spies on you.
  • Your partner puts the blame on you for the failing relationship, expecting you to change or try solely to make things work.
  • Your thoughts, opinions, accomplishments or words are devalued.
  • Your self identity is lost, as you become over dependent on him, without any clue about how to survive without him.
  • Your partner is over dominating, leaving no space for your preference.
  • You feel afraid or unsafe with your partner and even escape from telling the truth at times for fear of upsetting him.
  • Your self-esteem is on an all time low, as your partner makes you feel unattractive or stupid.
  • Your partner is overly possessive and over powering.

Now that this seems so familiar how do you get away from this? This is a difficult task and in most cases might not get done by yourself. The toxic ones are so charming and cunning and that you become tangled in a web of complex emotions, doubt, and depression.

It often takes an immense amount of strength and will-power to leave, let alone stay away. With my relationship I kept running back to him. Without him there was an intense sense of loss and emptiness and it was as if I was withdrawing from a drug.

These are some tips that I’ve acquired from friends, family, and therapists.

  • Admit the relationship is toxic
  • Don’t beat yourself up or consider yourself foolish
  • Don’t do it alone (let your friends know what’s going on, ask for help)
  • Leave the relationship
  • Delete his number, block him on Facebook, whatever it takes to stay away
  • Avoid mutual friends who are still in contact with your ex
  • Keep yourself busy
  • Remember that you’re better than this and deserve the best
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It doesn’t matter at any point when ending a relationship it is difficult. Avoidance of the pain and process of having someone no longer there is common. Yet, the problems will not go away until that happens and it’s best to free yourself from a negative relationship. It’s a must that you have the courage even if there’s someone there for support to find your voice and address the person honestly and directly.

 

Robert D. Cobb
Founder, Publisher and CEO of INSCMagazine. Works have appeared and featured in places such as Forbes, Huffington Post, ESPN and NBC Sports to name a few. Follow me on Twitter at @RobCobb_INSC, email me at robert.cobb@theinscribermag.com

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