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How To Approach A Woman and Get The First Date


There are two things that would make me happy when it comes to men trying to get my attention. One is using a pick up lines and the other is the “hey sexy” message. You will never get a first date that way with me and many women don’t appreciate it either. 

Certain men will take classes or read books just to learn these lines. In some cases it probably works and is seen as an art form or a game.

One of the most important things to take away from this is that attempting to get a female into bed and actually finding someone that you will have a relationship with are two completely different things.  Going to a bar or club is the best way to have a one night stand and if she’s interested will follow like a lost puppy.


Now if you’re looking for an actual relationship that has meaning here are some rules to follow that will help. 

  • First of all, be comfortable being alone. Self confidence and self-sufficiency are extremely sexy qualities in a man, and you will not seem like you have either of these if you’re begging every girl you meet to go out with you.
  • Your soul mate probably isn’t going to be found in a bar or club. Do you like books? Try the library or a bookstore. Do you have kids? Take them to the park or school functions.
  • If we look at you, and make eye contact and smile before you approach us, that’s a good sign. She’s giving you the green light to approach her.
  • When you see a hot girl, don’t make excuses like ‘she probably has a boyfriend’, ‘she is on her phone’ or ‘she is jogging’, ‘Man I look so bad’. Believe it that there is no valid excuse to not talk to her.
  • Don’t be afraid of rejection. At worst she would say ‘no’ and walk away. Don’t ever give up.
  • If you are not having fun while talking to a girl or while looking for her, you are probably taking it too seriously. But if you are having fun, you won’t care about the potential rejection and would come out as cool and fun guy.
  • Don’t lie! If you plan on spending any more time with this woman, please be as honest as possible.  Lies, even small ones, destroy relationships.
  • Don’t tell her your life story in the first ten minutes of conversation.
  • Make her laugh. Don’t act like a clown, but make her notice you.
  • Know when to walk away. If she is ignoring or trying to avoid you, that’s your cue to leave.
  • Take pride in your appearance. Look nice when you go out of the house. Dress like yourself, no suit and tie required.
  • Know when to approach her. You don’t want to approach her if she is deep in conversation withsomeone else, is trying to concentrate on something or seems stressed.
  • Asking a question is a great way to get someone to engage with you. Be sure to use a question that won’t warrant a one word answer.
  • Introduce yourself as an afterthought, like “oh sorry … by the way I’m Steve!” If you feel confident you can offer a handshake.
  • If things go well through the introductory stage, you may feel confident enough to ask her out or at least exchange phone numbers, so you can ask her out later.
  • If she gives you her number, ask her “do you want to go grab some coffee tomorrow?” or “what are you doing Saturday, I’d really like to talk more about (fill in the blank).”
  • Assuming that you have succesfully asked her out and she has said yes, the the first date becomes the turning point on whether or not she’ll become your girlfriend.

When she arrives or you meet up, make sure to compliment her on how she looks, her hair style or clothing such as “that color of blue really brings out your eyes.” Don’t  overdo it with the compliments as it will be a turnoff for her and it shows desperation.

 If things don’t work out the first, second or third time stick with it. Persistence is key.


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Robert D. Cobb
Founder, Publisher and CEO of INSCMagazine. Works have appeared and featured in places such as Forbes, Huffington Post, ESPN and NBC Sports to name a few. Follow me on Twitter at @RobCobb_INSC, email me at [email protected]

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