By Ron Alexander
Yes, I am the guy who wrote the article entitled “Treat Her Like a Sexual Object”
And, yes, I am a feminist.
Those of you who haven’t read the aforementioned article probably think that I’m lying about being a feminist and that I’m just saying that I am one in order to look good or for the sake of the article. Those of you who have read the article know otherwise.
On the surface, masculinity and feminism seem to be completely opposing viewpoints. Dig below the surface, however, and you will see that they are actually simpatico. In fact, I will go one step further and show you that in order for a man to be a real man, he must also be a real feminist.
Before we delve into this, let me first point out that the main reason most men don’t consider themselves feminists is because modern feminism is not real feminism. In fact, when held under the microscope of truth, practically everything about modern feminism is really anti-feminist.
Think about it.
Hating men and blaming them for everything, while skirting responsibility for their own actions is not real feminism. Trying to turn women into men by telling them that they have to act masculine and shaming them when they act feminine is not real feminism. Voting for a woman for no other reason than the fact that she’s a woman is not real feminism. Ignoring and manipulating facts in order to promote one gender, while marginalizing another, a typical modern feminist tactic, is not real feminism either.
Yet, that is exactly what most modern feminists do.
Calling this type of behavior feminism is like calling the KKK civil rights activists. It’s absurd. Of course real men aren’t going to associate with this type of behavior, because this type of behavior is actually misogynistic. And real men are not misogynists, as misogyny is simply a guise for insecurity – a quality they only possess in very small amounts.
Now that we have that out of the way, let’s look at the reasons why being a real man requires being a real feminist, as well.
What Is Feminism?
Although it has been mangled and distorted over the last 50 years, at its inception, the feminist movement was (and should be) about three things.
- Equality of the sexes.
- Celebrating womanhood and feminine strength.
- Letting women be women without fear, shame or intimidation.
Just looking at those core values, it should be obvious why a real man must also be a feminist, as well. Just in case it’s not, though, let’s go into each one in detail so as to remove all doubt as to exactly why that is the case.
- Equality Of The Sexes
Real equality is, at heart, about one thing and one thing only: respect (in particular, respect for human dignity and personal autonomy). And as I have said in the aforementioned article about treating a woman like a sexual object, “all respect is self-respect”. (Go read the article, if you haven’t already. It’s not what you think it is. http://http://220.127.116.11/~theinscr/front-page/dating-treat-her-like-a-sexual-object.html)
In order to give respect, you have to first have respect for yourself. Otherwise, you have nothing to give. Needless to say, a man who doesn’t respect himself can never be a real man. Therefore, in order for a man to be a real man, he has to respect himself and others, which means that he has to believe in equality for everyone, which is one of the basic tenets of real feminism.
Having said that, I feel that I must add a word of explanation about what equality does not entail.
Contrary to what a lot of “modern feminist” believe, equality is not about equality of results, but rather equality of opportunities and personal autonomy. Every person, male or female, should be given the same opportunities to succeed in life according to their own desires, based on nothing but their own abilities and determination. “Modern feminism”, however, doesn’t adhere to this particular belief.
Ok, here it is.
One of the biggest gripes of “modern feminism” is the so-called “wage gap”, which states that on average women in the United States earn 77 cents on the dollar compared with their male counterparts. While on the surface this may seem like a legitimate gripe, when you take into consideration different factors such as choice of occupational fields, number of hours worked, and tenure, comparing apples to apples and oranges to oranges, “the wage gap narrows to the point of vanishing”.
In other words, when you take into consideration the fact that women choose to work in lower-paying career fields, work fewer hours, take extended time off for maternity leave in order to raise children (all things that the original study didn’t take into account), it becomes clear why women get paid less than men… It’s because they choose to.
Money is not everything, and women understand that a lot more than men do.
Now, does this mean that the female-driven fields are less valuable than male-driven ones?
It just means that they offer more personal satisfaction and are often easier to get into, so they naturally pay less. Unlike men, women are not nearly as money driven as their male counterparts (which is a good thing, in my feminist opinion), and they should not be marginalized for doing so. Denigrating women for making choices based on what they value, just because it is different than what men value, is both sexist and disrespectful to women (which is really the same thing).
When all else is equal, any right-thinking man would agree that woman should be paid the same as men — equal pay for equal work. Female trial lawyers who work 60 hours a week for 15 years should make the same amount of money as their male counterparts, given their results are indistinguishable from one another. Just so that I’m not accused of being sexist, male teachers should be paid the same as female teachers, as well. To be otherwise would be unfair and unjust.
And how could a man claim to be a real man if he believed in something that was unfair and unjust?
- Celebrating Womanhood and Feminine Strength
Just because men and women are equals that does not mean that they are the same. They are different and serve different purposes. Men tend to be more aggressive and goal-oriented, while women tend to be more nurturing and relationship-oriented.
Now, I know that there are some of you out there who are thinking that this is a really sexist view, and that it marginalizes women, reduces them to passive children who aren’t interested in bettering their lives. To those of you who think that, I say it is you who are marginalizing women. Not me.
Marginalizing women would be to assume that being aggressive and goal-oriented is better than being nurturing and relationship-oriented, which is what “modern feminists” and misogynists believe. They believe that being more like a man is the only way for women to succeed in life and in the workplace. Real feminists (and real men), like myself, believe that women do not need to be more like men in order to succeed. Rather they need to be themselves and focus on how they can use their own unique talents and strengths to make a difference (and be allowed to do so, as well).
Nature (or God) made men and women different for a reason. Each of the different genders specializes in a different area for the same reason that businesses separate marketing and operations. It’s not that one is better or more valuable than the other. It’s just that they require different skill sets and having people who could do both jobs is not as effective as having people who specialize in one or the other.
Trying to get women to be more aggressive and goal-oriented, like men, is like telling the marketing team to learn to do operations, and vice versa. Just because women are not men, that doesn’t make them any less valuable. It just means they have different skill sets that are equally valuable, but should not be used in the same way, especially not by force or coercion.
Real men allow women to be women without trying to change them, because they understand their value apart from their own. Not only that, but they cherish it and encourage women to be women and embrace their feminine strength. For, nothing makes a real man feel more masculine than being in the presence of a woman with the courage and strength to be feminine.
- Allowing Women To Be Women Without Fear, Shame Or Intimidation
Contrary to what most “modern feminists” believe, being a feminine woman is not weakness and is nothing to be ashamed of. Trying to turn women into men, or telling them to be more like men, is conveying the message to women that they are not good enough unless they are men. When a man does that, it’s called misogyny.
Why isn’t it called that when “modern feminists” do it?
I have no idea. In my opinion, it is misogyny.
Real men don’t just allow women to be women, they encourage them to do so, because they see what amazing human beings women are and understand their intrinsic value in both the workforce and in everyday life. They also aren’t intimidated by women or threatened by them in any way, shape or form, as many weak-minded men whose masculinity is threatened by a strong woman tend to be. (Weak-minded women are also intimidated by strong women, and attack feminine women even more viciously than weak-minded men, but that’s an entirely different article for some other time.)
Too often when a woman decides to leave the workforce in order to raise children, weak-minded men and woman (“modern feminists”) are apt to criticize her for “conforming to gender roles”, and “setting back the feminist movement”. In my opinion, and the opinion of all real men, that exact mindset is what is setting back the feminist movement, not the stay-at-home mother.
Women are not children that do whatever they are told. When a woman makes a decision to leave the workforce or take a lower-paying career, such as teaching or social work, it’s not because they’re pressured into it by social stereotypes or a desire to conform, like “modern feminists” seem to think. Rather, it is because it is what they themselves want to do.
Of course, there are exceptions to the rule, as there is with anything. Some men get into “masculine career paths”, because that is what they are expected to do, and some women get into female driven career paths for the same reason. But, just because there are exceptions to the rule, that doesn’t invalidate the rule itself.
At the end of the day, real men believe that men and women are equals and should be treated as such. No better. No worse.
At the same time, however, real men also understand that women are uniquely different from men, with their own strengths and abilities, and should be treated accordingly with both respect and admiration. They cherish and admire women, allowing them to be true to themselves and embrace their femininity while never hindering them from doing otherwise.
In short, real men see women the beauty and strength of all that is feminine and believe that women should be allowed to be women and do whatever they truly want to do with their lives. And when all is said and done, and the smoke clears, isn’t that what being a feminist is really all about?
This feminist – this real man – thinks that it is.