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New York Giants: Top Movie History Wide Receiver Targets (Satire)


Saying the New York Giants are thin at wide receiver depth is an overwhelming understatement. The team announced on Monday that they have lost three receivers this week to season-ending injuries, including Odell Beckham, Jr. and Brandon Marshall.

As a result, the likes of Terrell Owens and Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson contacted the Giants front office to offer their services.

While the return of TO or Ochocinco seems unlikely, I thought it would be fun to look at some even more unlikely options for the G Men. Completely fictional options.

Here is the list of top wideouts in movie history that could be a target for Eli Manning and the New York Giants:

Rod Tidwell – Jerry Maguire: “Show me the money.” He’s flashy, greedy and cocky. Tidwell is the prototypical big screen wide receiver. On the field he is a Steve Smith type who runs solid routes and has great hands. He may come with more baggage than a Boeing 757, a big price tag and an even bigger ego but these are all things that the Giants should be accustomed to. *cough* OBJ *cough*

 

Deacon Moss – The Longest Yard: His desire to play can be questioned but his ability on the field cannot. When motivated he’s a stud with the build to be a playmaking WR in the style of Michael Irvin. The biggest knock on Moss is that he’s currently tied up in the prison system but Warden Rudolph Hazen seems like a guy that could be easily bribed.

Featherstone – Necessary Roughness: Speed thrills and Featherstone has enough to be an Olympic sprinter. Too bad he also has Olympic sprinter hands. The Texas State Fightin’ Armadillo comes with the ability to take the top off any defense and can stretch the field like a rubber band. Unfortunately, he also comes with the moniker of “Stonehands.” Think Marquise Goodwin with even less pass catching ability.

Charlie Tweeder – Varsity Blues: What Tweeder lacks in size he makes up for in grit and some sort of rash. He’s basically the poor man’s Julian Edelman in a cowboy hat. Off field issues could limit his playing time, as he’s known to take naked, drunken joy rides in cop cars and hit people in the groin with Wiffle ball bats.

The bottom line is that the New York Giants are in serious trouble at the wide receiver position and at 0-5 on the season their only hope may be the 2018 draft class.


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