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Relationships: Six Dating Tips for Introverts

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When one thinks of the ideal date, an image of a charming and socially outward person usually comes to mind.

You know, the type of person that is talkative, ready with an opportune joke, able to carry the burden of a conversation when others around them are not. Essentially, society has conditioned us to qualify extroverted people as being better at dating than introverts. Of course, in real life, things don’t always play out that way.


Many people have dating nightmare stories about people who would be described as extroverts. Likewise, many have warm precious memories of dating someone who was introverted. The human personality is so complex that simply allocating sociability as the key determining factor for dating worthiness is a mistake.

That being said, if you are an introverted personality it is still important to know how to stand out from the crowd. After all, as many people who have dated introverts discover, once they get to know their inner qualities, they can be excellent partners. However, in order to get to that stage, an introvert must make themselves be known — they must be seen. Otherwise, they will not be able to be loved and appreciated the way they deserve.

Here are six dating tips for introverts.

1- Leverage Your Inner Circle

Introverted people find it too difficult to interact with others who they do not know. This, however, does not mean that they do not have an inner circle of close friends. Since the most difficult part when it comes to dating for an introvert is the initial contact, meeting people in circumstances where they have gathered socially with their close friends can be a help.

By this, we do not mean that you should drag your friends to your first date — that would be ill-advised. During the work up to the first date, however, there is nothing wrong with relying on the support of your close friends. This way your friends can help, not only by talking you up to the person that you would like to ask out, but they can also provide you with opportunities for you to break the ice. In other words, your close friends can help you to avoid lulls in the conversation which could negatively impact your chances.

2- Seek Out Other Introverts

Please do not misconstrue this tip as suggesting that introverts should only date other introverts. It is not at all uncommon for an extroverted and introverted personality to date, fall in love, and establish a long-term relationship.

That said, one also cannot deny the fact that for some introverted people it will simply be easier to date a fellow introvert. The reasons for this are many. First, you will feel more at ease being alone with a person who understands firsthand your social anxieties. You will not feel pressured into leaving your established social comfort zones. It will be easier for you to be yourself and your date to be likewise. As you know, the more open two people are with each other, the better their chances are going to be of having a successful relationship.

3- Choose Smaller and More Intimate Settings

The first few dates are always going to be stressful for both extroverts as well as introverts. The latter, however, may feel exponentially more anxious during their first few dates if they take place in settings that are too crowded or that require too many simultaneous social interactions.

For that reason, an introverted person should select locations for their first and second dates that will allow them to feel comfortable and focus on their date. Quiet restaurants, coffee shops that they are familiar with, museum exhibits — all of these are ideal locations for first and second dates for introverts. They will provide a safe setting that will permit better bonding with their date.

Locations to avoid would be crowded bars, music festivals, and crowded beaches. While those can be ideal spots for those with extroverted personalities, they will only create anxious moments for introverts.

4- Don’t Pretend to Be Someone You Are Not

Some people with introverted personalities feel that they must act differently when they are courting someone. They feel that they must put on an extroverted facade in order to convince someone that they are worth dating. Engaging in this type of behavior is a big mistake. First, it is disingenuous. You would be actively lying to your potential future partner about who you really are. Second, no matter how good your acting skills are, it is very difficult to convincingly behave as an extroverted personality when that is not your true nature. In the majority of cases, instead of being convincing, those people come out as being fake, awkward, or just plain odd. Even when using online dating services your best bet is to start off as honest as possible.

5- Be a Good listener… To a Point

Introverted people tend to be very good listeners. The reasons for that are plainly obvious. What many introverts do not realize, is how many people are hungry for a good listener. Many singles are tired of going out on a date after date with people who are only interested in talking about themselves.

When these people come across someone who is genuinely willing to listen to what they have to say, that is not seen as a negative. Quite to the contrary, it is viewed as a valuable trait. Introverts should be aware of this and not be ashamed to play up their natural ability to be good listeners.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that an introverted person has a full license to remain silent throughout a date and merely listen. They must be prepared to respond with prudent comments, as well as with wit and humor when appropriate, in order to make their date feel comfortable in opening up to them.

Finally (6) — Take the Big Step

To be honest, the biggest obstacle that an introverted person has when it comes to dating is admitting that they want to meet someone. Many introverts use excuses such as, “I am happy being by myself,” to avoid the initial awkwardness of entering the dating scene. This is why it is crucial for introverts to peel away the layers of self-protection that they have put into place to avoid socially awkward situations and take that giant leap toward dating.

Not every date is going to go well. That, however, is true for everybody — not just introverts. If you are introverted consider the tips that we listed above. They should help you to reach your dating goals.

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