Divorce is a life changing event, somewhat like marriage. Nothing remains the same after it and the life you have gotten so used to doesn’t remain the same. There are huge changes that one needs to adjust to – mentally and in the surroundings. The house may change, your immediate friends’ circle may change and of course, the living situation will be totally different. Some may be wondering if there is a handbook with tips for couples after a divorce, but every relationship and every person is different. There isn’t a single guide that suits all the situation. However, here are a few things that couples may want to do after deciding to get a divorce or actually getting a divorce.
The first few days your feelings will be a hotchpotch. You may not be able to figure out everything at once. You may not even be able to tell what exactly you are feeling. There will be questions to which you may not have an answer but that is ok. You may need time to work through all of this. You must let yourself mourn, mourn the loss of a relationship. It is normal to feel sad and broken, but you must make conscious efforts to get out of that funk. Work through what you are feeling and take as much time as you need. You must learn to like yourself. Often when people are in relationships, they don’t think about themselves much, but now you must and also like yourself.
Embrace the new
Now that things have changed, you need to accept and embrace the present situation. It may not seem to be the happiest for you, but eventually, you will learn to be happy. Rediscover yourself and do it now. All those activities and events that you eventually gave up while building a family, get in touch with those. Time will always be hard to come by, but now you have the reason for it – you need to do things for yourself. Do things that you love. Discover new sides to yourself. It doesn’t mean you take huge decisions like leaving a job to pursue your other dreams. You can do it, but even something small like dancing on weekends at a class will do. Embrace your new role as a co-parent to your children if you have any. Or rather than being known as a husband of or wife of, be you.
The living situation is one that goes through a drastic change. You won’t be living together as one family, one unit. Instead, there will be two separate homes. But two separate homes don’t mean unhappy homes, they could also mean happy homes. Child custody, if there are children, also needs to be sorted out. Decisions need to be made where the children will stay most of their time and when they will be spending time with the other parent.
Remember to not shut off yourself for very long. You need to go out and meet new people. Socialize with neighbors or join a volunteering group. This way you get to perform tasks and also spend time with others. Healthy friendships and associations can make you feel much better than moping alone.
Chart next steps
One of the most important tips for couples after a divorce is to decide on the next steps. There are multiple formalities that need to be completed and actions have to be taken. Division of assets, children’s living situation, family gatherings and future decisions have to be kept in mind.