We’ve all been there before.
One minute everything is going great; she is affectionate, loving, and seemingly totally devoted to you. The next minute she is telling you that she doesn’t want to see you anymore or that she just wants to be friends.
Confused and contrite, you beg her to reconsider, pleading with her to tell you what you did wrong and promising never to do whatever it was that made her want to break up with you ever again. Not wanting to argue (or tell you the truth), she responds by giving you reasons that don’t make a lot of sense (even to her).
“I’m still not over my ex-boyfriend (who broke up with me two years ago).”
“I need some time for myself (even though I told you I was tired of being alone).”
“I’m not ready to be in a relationship (even though we met on a dating site).”
“You’re a great guy, but I think we should just be friends (even I just unfriended you on Facebook).”
Although she will deny it until she is blue in the face, these excuses that women come up with for breaking up with men are nothing more than a straw man, a smoke screen if you will, designed to cover up their real reasons for breaking up with you. While some of these excuses are given to keep from hurting your feelings, others are designed to keep you from hurting hers.
Rarely, if ever, will a woman tell you the real reasons for breaking up with you. I, however, will.
Here are some of the more shocking reasons that women break up with men that they would never admit to in a million years, and most men would never figure out on their own.
Reason No.1 – He Agreed With Her Too Much
Agreeing with a woman in and of itself isn’t a bad thing if you do it because you genuinely agree with her. Unfortunately most guys agree with their wife or girlfriend to make her happy. Their thinking is “the more I agree with her, the more she will like me. The more she likes me, the more she will love me and the more sex I will get.”
Sadly fellas, it doesn’t work like that.
Agreeing with your woman all the time to be agreeable doesn’t make her like you more. Nor does it make her want to have sex with you more either. What it does do is make her respect you less.
Kissing her ass does not make her think that you are a sensitive and caring guy that she should be lucky to have. It makes her think you’re either afraid of upsetting her and possibly losing her or that you are trying to manipulate her into having sex with you by being overly agreeable. Once that happens, she inevitably starts to think that she is out of your league.
And at that point, it’s pretty much all downhill from there.
Reason No.2 – He Let Her Lead
Deep down in places that most women won’t talk about in public, women crave a strong-willed man who will take charge and lead the relationship. Regardless of what society says, there is a reason that men have been the head of the household since the dawn of time, and it’s not because they forced women to let them do it.
It’s because that is what both women and men really want.
Failing to take the lead in a relationship makes the woman question your confidence levels, not to mention your overall competency as a man. When you fail to take the lead in a relationship or worse try to delegate that responsibility to her, it sends the message that you don’t have enough confidence in yourself to make the decisions.
Confidence, as I’m sure you know, is the trait that women find to be the most desirable in a man. Once she feels that trait is lacking in you, it’s only a matter of time before she abandons the relationship to find a captain with enough confidence to steer the ship himself.
Reason No.3 – He Listened To Her Too Much
Women are always saying that what they want a guy who listens to them, but have you ever noticed how they always seem to obsess over the guys who don’t? It doesn’t make any sense, does it?
No, it’s not because women are lying when they say they want a guy who listens to them. Rather, it’s because most men (and most women for that matter) don’t really understand what they mean when they say they want a guy who listens to them.
When a woman says that she wants a man who listens to her, what she means is that she wants a guy who knows what she really wants and connects with her on a deeper emotional level. Listening to her complain about her problems at work or prattle on for hours and hours about how her best friend’s douche bag boyfriend cheated on her doesn’t do that.
Besides, she has girlfriends for that. She doesn’t need you to do it. Nor does she want you to.
Admit it, you don’t want to listen to her ramble on about things you don’t care about any more than she wants to listen to you go on and on about your favorite football team that she couldn’t care less about. Hearing her talk about trivialities is not the same as really listening to her and miles away from understanding her or connecting on an emotional level.
It’s okay to do it once in a while, but when you do it too much, it irritates her as much as it irritates you. Eventually she will get sick of it and break up with you for a man who won’t listen to her whine about things that are totally irrelevant.
(Believe it or not, 9 times out of 10 she’d rather have sex with you than whine about her problems anyway.)
Reason No.4 – He Didn’t Have Sex With Her Enough
I know what you’re thinking, “What the hell are you talking about I didn’t have sex with her enough? Every time I tried to have sex with her she turned me down flat! She didn’t like sex! Obviously, you’re wrong on this one, Ron…
Nope. I’m not.
Contrary to what most men think, women like sex as much or even more than men do (at least when it’s good), and they want it just as often, too.
Yep. They just don’t talk about it. Over the years I have had countless women confess to me that 90% of what is most important to them in a relationship is sex. You heard me, 90%. Their words, not mine.
So, if women wants sex just as much as men do (if not more), then why don’t they initiate is as much and why would they turn down an offer to have it? Um… because she’s a woman.
Woman don’t like being the ones to initiate anything in a relationship, especially sex. Ideally what they want is for a man to find them so desirable that they are able to entice them into initiating practically anything and everything without the use of excessive force. At times they will even offer up perfunctory resistance to see if your desire for her is great enough for you to overcome it.
Just because she offers up resistance, however, that doesn’t mean she isn’t interested in sex. It usually just means that your approach sucks and she wants you to do it properly before she submits (I will teach you about how to do that in a later article).
For now, just know, women who are sexually satisfied want to get laid at least three times a week. If you’re not having sex with her that much, chances are she wishes you were and is probably already looking for someone who will… or has already broken up with you for someone who does.
Reason No.5 – She’s Testing His Resolve
If your girlfriend broke up with you out of the blue after having dated her for only a couple of months, and you have not been emasculated or mistreated her, this could be the reason. My first long-term girlfriend did this one to me back when we first started dating in college.
Several others have done it since then in much the same way. Here’s how the first one went.
After a couple of months of unadulterated bliss, she suddenly left a “Dear John” letter on my door telling me that she wanted to break up with me for one of the aforementioned reasons. Knowing that she was head over heels in love with me (I had found a notebook with her first name and my last name written all over it), I manned up and confronted her about it in a confident and loving manner. “I’m not going to let you get rid of me,” I told her, gently locking eyes with her to let her know I was serious.
Upon hearing these words escape my lips, tears of unbridled joy immediately leaped into her eyes. “I don’t want you to,” she exclaimed. Overjoyed at my having passed the test with flying colors, she raced across the room and threw her arms around my neck, burying me in a barrage of kisses as though I had just returned home from war.
Through the torrent of emotions that completely overwhelmed her, only a small handful of the most beautiful words I’ve ever heard managed to escape her lips, “I never wanted you to. And I never will.”
Three years later she did end up breaking up with me (because I accidentally forgot Valentine’s Day), but you get the idea. Sometimes (although not always) women just want to know that you care, and that you won’t give up on them, even when they pretend to give up on you.
This article also appears on Become The Man here.