Have you ever found yourself during playtime with your toddler, only to be caught off guard as they unexpectedly bite or hit you? Initially, it might create a funny moment, but what do you do when it becomes a recurring occurrence?
Worse yet, imagine your toddler biting their playdate! Suddenly, laughter is far from the appropriate response, especially when faced with the disapproving gaze of the playdate’s parent.
Fortunately, while toddlers’ biting and hitting may not be cause for alarm, they certainly warrant attention before they develop into rooted behavioral patterns. For toddlers aged 3 and under, these actions often stem from a need for guidance rather than intentional misconduct.
If you’re struggling to put an end to your toddler’s biting and hitting once and for all, read on till the end to know about some great Positive Parenting Solutions.
Causes of Toddler Hitting and Biting
A toddler doesn’t just hit or bite for no reason. There’s always some reason behind it. Before learning how to stop toddler from hitting, understanding these causes is necessary:
1. Testing Limit
Toddlers experiment with hitting and biting to understand the consequences of their actions, such as observing how others react to their behavior.
2. Limited Understanding of Morality
Toddlers may not grasp the concept of causing harm intentionally, leading them to hit or bite without comprehending the consequences or moral implications.
3. Difficulty Processing Emotions
Toddlers struggle to articulate their emotions verbally and may resort to hitting or biting as a means of expressing frustration, anger, or feeling wronged.
4. Defending Territory
Toddlers may also resort to hitting or biting when feeling threatened or invaded, such as during conflicts over toys or personal space with other children.
5. Imitating Behavior
Observing older siblings or peers engaging in physical interactions may prompt toddlers to mimic such behavior out of curiosity or a desire to experiment.
The Don’ts
Before learning what actions to take, it’s essential to understand what actions to avoid. Following these “don’ts” is compulsory to prevent getting these harmful habits out of control:
1. Don’t Yell or React with Anger
Reacting to toddler misbehavior with yelling or anger can escalate the situation and undermine effective communication. Toddlers respond better to calm, firm reactions rather than emotional outbursts. Maintaining composure helps establish authority and teaches children how to manage their own emotions.
2. Don’t Resort to Punishment
Punishment, which induces feelings of blame, shame, or pain, is ineffective in shaping positive behavior. Unlike discipline, which focuses on teaching appropriate behavior, punishment can lead to resentment and fear rather than understanding. Shifting from punishment to discipline involves creating teachable moments and guiding the child towards better choices.
3. Don’t Label
Labeling children with negative terms like “naughty” or “wild” can harm their self-esteem and behavior. Labeling is common in many households, but these labels tend to stick with the children even when they are older. Children are complex individuals, and such labels oversimplify their character. Negative labels invite judgment from others and hinder the child’s ability to develop positive relationships.
4. Don’t Force Them To Apologize
Forcing apologies from toddlers lacks authenticity and completely goes against positive parenting solutions. Genuine apologies involve understanding and empathy, which develop over time with guidance. Instead of coercion, focus on helping the child understand the consequences of their behavior and encourage sincere apologies as they mature.
5. Don’t Base Your Reaction on Other Parents
Parenting decisions should be guided by your values and your child’s individual needs rather than external pressure or comparison with other parents. Each child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. So, it’s very important that you trust your instincts and focus on what’s best for your child’s development.
The Do’s
Now that we have addressed the inappropriate responses to your toddler’s hitting or biting let’s focus on the appropriate actions you can take:
1. Do Remain Calm & Comfort Your Child
Maintaining a calm demeanor when addressing toddler aggression models emotional regulation for your child. Reacting with anger or intensity can escalate the situation and frighten the child. But how to discipline a child without yelling or hitting?
Well, you must calmly intervene by gently holding the child to prevent further aggression and offering comfort.
Teaching calming techniques like belly breathing helps the child manage their emotions constructively. You can learn more about positive parenting solutions from platforms like Love and Logic, which are dedicated to making parenting and teaching fun and rewarding instead of stressful and chaotic.
2. Do Address the Hitting Immediately
Respond promptly when your child exhibits physical aggression by getting down to their eye level and calmly but firmly expressing that hitting is not acceptable behavior. You can use phrases like “Baby, I understand you feel mad/frustrated/upset, but it’s not okay to hit.”
However, keep explanations concise, as lengthy discussions may not be effective with toddlers and could inadvertently reinforce negative behaviors by providing attention.
3. Do Practice Alternative Strategies
As parents, you often focus on pointing out what your children did wrong but sometimes neglect to teach them what they could have done differently. This gentle parenting discipline, where you teach your child some alternative strategies, is crucial for their development.
For instance, you can organize a pretend playdate with stuffed animals, encouraging your child to practice handling frustration, seeking help, and expressing emotions without resorting to hitting or biting. However, consistent and early practice is vital for success.
4. Do Pinpoint the Reason
It’s very important to understand the main reason behind your child’s behavior. It could be any of the listed causes above or something entirely different. So, seek to understand the underlying cause of your child’s hitting behavior by identifying possible triggers such as fatigue, hunger, frustration, or overstimulation.
For example, if they express aggression due to a desire for their toy, encourage them to communicate their preference by calmly saying, “You want your toy! Say, ‘toy.’ This approach helps your child learn to express themselves effectively and reduces the likelihood of future instances of hitting
5. Do Empathize & Explain Boundaries
Empathizing with your toddler is crucial in helping them figure out their overwhelming emotions. Use phrases like “I see you’re very angry right now, and it’s okay to feel that way.” By reflecting their emotions back to them, you demonstrate empathy and provide reassurance.
After empathizing, it’s necessary to set clear boundaries. Explain to your child that while it’s acceptable to feel angry or frustrated, it’s not okay to hurt others because of those feelings. Finally, encourage them to talk to a grown-up, take deep breaths, or walk away when upset instead of hitting or biting.
Wrapping Up
It’s important to remember that every child is unique, and progress may take time. Remaining dedicated to supporting your child through this phase can help them overcome hitting and biting behaviors for good.
However, if the issue persists over time, you can get help from professional trainers from platforms like Love and Logic. They provide valuable resources, such as Online Parenting Classes and audiobooks, offering practical guidance for parents. These resources make parenting more manageable and enjoyable, promoting healthy social interaction and emotional well-being for children.