The Inscriber Mag: Sarah, welcome, how are you doing?
Sarah Herrera: That’s one.
The Inscriber Mag: Excuse me?
Sarah: That’s two. Can I smoke in here?
The Inscriber Mag: No, you can’t. State law.
Sarah: Crap.
The Inscriber Mag: Sarah, you can’t drink either, would you mind putting that away?
Sarah: Yeah, I kinda do mind ….
The Inscriber Mag: Please?
Sarah: Fine. Do you have an ashtray or a soda can or a midget or something? I don’t want to ash on the floor.
The Inscriber Mag: Are you drunk?
Sarah: Very. I had a really hard time parallel parking outside. Was going to leave a note on what was left of their windshield but I don’t own a pen.
The Inscriber Mag: Okay, we told your manager you were to show up sober. Was that not conveyed to you?
Sarah: Yeah, it was.
The Inscriber Mag: So …
Sarah: I’ve been stoned since the third grade.
The Inscriber Mag: Do you think we could possibly get to question one?
Sarah: You’re on three. You asked me how I was doing, and then you said “excuse me”, and the inflection in your voice indicated that was a question.
The Inscriber Mag: It wasn’t.
Sarah: Do you have an old spoon I could borrow? I need 2 minutes in the bathroom. Three tops.
The Inscriber Mag: There’s a kitchenette down the hall, I believe there is cutlery.
Sarah: Ok, hang on.
Sarah: Plastic spoons. I need metal.
The Inscriber Mag: For what?
Sarah: Nothin’. Not important. Do you play pool?
The Inscriber Mag: I don’t
Sarah: That sucks. So, you want to hear about our new album?
The Inscriber Mag: Yes. Finally. Please.
Sarah: Are you cool with weed? Like, you’re not hypnoallergic or something, are you?
The Inscriber Mag: Sarah …
Sarah: Just trying to be courteous. Oh man, that is so much better. Check this out, a fresh toke with every smoke. We should write a song about these things. These are my jam!.
The Inscriber Mag: Okay, question 1, or 3 if you prefer. What were you like as a kid?
Sarah: I think I’m going to puke. No, I’m serious. Do you have a garbage can, a bag, a charred metal spoon, anything like that?
(45 seconds later)
Sarah: I’m sorry. If the rug needs to be shampooed or anything, send the bill to my manager. He’ll never pay it, but if you need to do it just so Accounts Receivable isn’t on your ass …
The Inscriber Mag: Question 1 …
Sarah: I like paying taxes so they can find out why a grasshopper is green
The Inscriber Mag: what?
Sarah: I knew what your first question was going to be, and I answered it before you even could ask. It’s a talent of mine. Comes in handy at funerals.
The Inscriber Mag: That wasn’t the question. I was going to ask about your new album coming out next week, “I Like To Drink And Drive So I Can Be A Giant Pinball Going Down The Road”
Sarah: What about it?
The Inscriber Mag: Well, is it a departure from your previous work? What’s it like to be a first-time producer? How do you expect this album to do?
Sarah: You know, you’re kinda cute.
The Inscriber Mag: Sarah, please put your shirt back on. Look, we’re running out of time, and I’m interviewing Johnny and Sticks from Taking It In The Rear From John Holmes at 3:30.
Sarah: I love them! I was in that band for like 3 weeks. Solid guys. Our guitar player refused to play on Kwanzaa and quit, and I quit in solidarity, you know, I’m down with the cause and all, but I’m still tight with the guys from Taking It.
The Inscriber Mag: They have a lot to say about you. A lot.
Sarah: Do you have a cigarette?
The Inscriber Mag: I don’t smoke. Can you at least put your bra back on?
Sarah: It only comes off, it doesn’t go back on. I found it. Want a hit of this? Primo stuff.
The Inscriber Mag: No.
Sarah: Your loss.
The Inscriber Mag: That’s all the time we have today, We’ve been speaking with …
Sarah: Do you want a handjob?
The Inscriber Mag: Speaking with Sarah Herrera …
Sarah: Ten dollars.
The Inscriber Mag: Sarah Herrera, bassist and singer for The Tommy Lasorda Experience.
Sarah: Five.
The Inscriber Mag: Thank you for joining us Sarah, and good luck on the new album.
Sarah: Hey, thanks. Where’s your bathroom?
The Inscriber Mag: Last door on the left.
Sarah: Like, up this ramp?
The Inscriber Mag: Last door on the left.
Sarah: Ok, thanks. I may need an Uber if that’s ok.
The Inscriber Mag: Go home, Sarah