Life is full of challenges, obstacles and setbacks , how we respond to these will determine what type of life you live. Others get stuck in victim mode, a mental virus that tells them they have no power and that its always somebody or something out there causing their miseries. A way of thinking that has the potential to stunt one’s personal growth and interpersonal relationships.
A victim mentality is not only about the struggle, it is a pervasive perception that the world owes you and your hardships are due to others. Not only can it be very damaging to your mental state but also on a relationship level, job-wise and quality of life. Below, we unpack six unmistakable signs of a victim mentality and how it is destroying you.
1. Nothing is Ever Your Fault: You Are Stuck Blaming Others
One of the key signs that you have a victim mentality is your refusal to accept responsibility for your actions and/or life conditions. If every time something does wrong you catch yourself always pointing fingers at other people or outside forces, this mindset may have ahold of you. When its work drama, a breakup or personal turmoil, the person stuck in victim mentality almost always view themselves as innocent. They think they are just victims of fate or the random bad actions of others.
This lack of accountability is what keeps you spinning your wheels. By putting blame, you give your power to change your reality. Responsibility is NOT about blaming yourself, but rather admitting places where you have the power to behave differently and choose more wisely next time. Maybe it could be the first step in taking your power back and changing your life. Individual therapy can be helpful in breaking the cycle when you feel like there is no way out.
2. You Are Very Defensive and Don’t Take Feedback Easily
Another major symptom of a victim mentality is an excessive defensiveness. This ties in with my point at the beginning that accepting criticism (or feedback) when it is given to you even in a constructive manner may indicate that your mindset is trapped and not allowing for information here. Thinking of themselves as victims, the stooges take any feedback as personal and become overprotective), defensive. Rather than introspecting on the feedback and seeing how it might actually enable them to grow, they just stop listening or turn around and lash out at whosoever delivered that ‘poor criticism’.
This defensiveness can really get in the way of your willingness to be better. Receiving feedback is necessary for learning. It is also scrutinized as imperative in maintaining a better relationship. If you are constantly on the defensive and therefore see what others say as attacks, then your relationships will suffer the connection and honesty that is needed for a healthy union is all but impossible when one partner cannot trust.
3. You Have a Sense of Entitlement Because of What You Have Suffered
Some with a victim mentality would argue that the countless sufferings you have experienced makes you deserve more or less want others to give them special attention. The anger can manifest as a belief that because they were wronged, now the world owes them something whether it be an easier life, increased understanding or decreased struggle going forward. And recognizing and validating the pain is all well and good, but between you and me, making people adjust their lives around your hardships is a losing strategy.
Entitlement can come in between your relations with others. You cannot expect people to empathize and understand your plight when they see you expecting things to be different for you just because of that past. It also results in increasing frustration when your real-world experiences keep colliding with the brick wall of expectations and you start believing yourself a bigger victim.
4. You Expect Others to Honor Your Intentions and Ignore Your Behavior
Also, if you think your intentions should trump your actions, this is a sign of a victim mindset. Have you ever said, “But I meant well,” or “They know I did not intend to harm,” because you want people to respect your intent over the fact that it led to something hurtful? People are not mind readers, and the assumption they should be is selfish; expecting them to simply understand or outright forgive your actions because of your intention.
Over time, this attitude can take its toll on relationships. However, intentions aside, you are what you do and how that affects the rest of us. If we want to have relationships, then owning the impact of our behavior needs to take priority over reflecting on ourselves, it is not sufficient.
5. You Feel Misunderstood a Lot
That being misunderstood is a common thread many of us find when we talk to those who resonate with the victim mentality. Many times they think that no one really understands them or know how hard it is for them. Feeling misunderstood is part of the human condition but when it becomes a chronic experience it can lead to alienation and bitterness.
That might come from someone not wanting to talk openly and honestly about something. For example, rather than simply acknowledging what they want or need and saying so, someone in a victim mindset might think you can just “read” their unspoken needs and feel the same way about them. When this is able to happen it reinforces the message that they are being discriminated against. Effective communication and understanding that it goes both ways is crucial in breaking up this cycle.
6. You Have Poor Relationships with Others
A victim mentality is the root of many relational breakdowns. From friends to family, coworkers and romantic partners, the children of martyrs usually cannot keep a connection with their loved ones in a healthy and happy way. The reason this is the case, is that these blame defensiveness entitlement) mis-communication patterns can only be sustained within relationships for so long before they take a toll.
Victim mindset gets in the way of trust, empathy, and mutual respect, all necessary components of doing our part to create healthy relationships. If you finally think everyone else is out to screw on or never accept responsibility for yourself, raise that wall too high and no one can reach the castle keep inside.
The Victim Mentality is Hurting You
An in depth article regarding the dangers of keeping a victim mentality It casts you in place of disempowerment, makes you totally convinced that outside forces hold the reins of your life and it serves as a barricade preventing you from finding true happiness. This lack of self-worth cripples you as an individual, turning you into a toxic person to be around.
In the end, it impedes you from making the changes that will benefit your life. You refuse to figure out a solution and continue believing things will always be the way they are. Over time though, this can result in a state of constant stress, chronic anxiety or depression. The isolation can contribute a lot towards feelings of loneliness, and helplessness also often accompanies anything similar to a victim mentality.
Overcoming a Victim Mentality
Getting out of this state begins with self-awareness. The first step to change is being able to identify these signs in yourself. Things shift when you recognize that you have been living your life through a victim role, like owning how to get undrowned for how subjective beliefs and feelings you have, do and react.
One of the most worthwhile things you can do to change your thinking is get a therapist. You can focus on getting a feeling of power back through individual counselling. A therapist Zoom can help you to observe what mental patterns may be holding you hostage and give you the tools needed to regain control over your life.
Finally, experiencing life as a victim can be miserably constraining; however it is NOT a conclusion of who you are or how far you will go. However, with the right tools and a decision to change, you can move out of this mindset and live from a place of more power in your life.