Monday Morning Michelle: Is it okay to have a ‘whites only’ dating site?

Dear Michelle:

Have you heard the latest?  There’s a whole lot of hub bub about a dating site that’s for whites only.  I’m not sure there is anything wrong with that considering that blacks have no problem segregating magazines, dating sites, and various other things for blacks only.  Why would anyone have a problem with a ‘whites only’ site?  DO you think it’s unfair?  – Sick of Reverse Racism

Dear Sick,

Crazy, isn’t it?  It’s almost impossible to keep up with the latest controversial topic let alone form an opinion based on available information.  I did see something written about the controversial website which if I remember correctly hails from Utah.  Pretty sure the founders had a billboard taken down because it sparked controversy.  Nothing like a little bit of bad press to get your brand out there, right?  By now, it’s probably received so many hits and sign ups because it’s gotten free publicity and those who wish to date ‘whites only’ have more than likely signed up.  Is it okay?

As you say, other races have sites that are exclusive and so why not have a site, especially one that is for dating, specify what’s exclusive about it.  Who can or should say that people should be required to have certain individuals accepted?  In my opinion, private businesses should be able to operate somewhat as they may, and it should be a prerogative of the dating site if there are certain requirements.  Of course, this can be problematic and because our country has had such a terrible history when it comes to racism, we often get painted with a broad brush that does not forgive our past mistakes.  Is it okay?  Maybe it’s not okay.  Who’s to say?  Should the government decide?  Should the people who formed the site decide?  Should there be a mandate that all races be entitled to join if it’s a private enterprise?

It was Abraham Maslow who discussed a sense of belonging and how important that is to individuals.  Safety, food and shelter are on the bottom of the pyramid but sense of belonging is key to an individuals well being, and is included in the pyramid of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.  What exactly does that mean?  Ideally, those of a certain race would be inclined to consider those of another race when it comes to dating but many times there are reasons why people prefer to date and actually mate, if you will with those of their same race.  For example, rumor has it that our current president was okay to sleep with white women but he would not wish to marry or have children with a white woman.  Truly it would seem that’s within his right and who should tell him that he’s being racist just because he preferred to marry a black woman to a white woman.  Of course, it might just be a rumor and entirely false, but the perception is surely there.

One’s morals are often developed with the influence of society as a whole, familial background, and personal experience.  I happened to have been raised in a very liberal environment and my father would not frown upon my dating outside of my race.  Of course, my father was arrested when I was a young child for crimes against his children so one could surely question his moral compass.  The charges were dropped but the allegations were always there in the distance and so as good as my father was in some ways; he was a monster in others.  I do, however, have to thank him for his influence of having persuading me early on to have an open mind and frown upon racism.

If it were me, I probably would never have a dating site that catered to one race over the other, and I would probably just use a site that allowed me to pick and choose those I would want to date based on likes and dislikes.  I cannot remember if race was even a question on Match.com or similar sites I’ve visited.  I guess I’ve got to give this more thought both from a legal and moral perspective.  Great question.  As to whether it’s right or wrong to have a dating site specify its for a certain race only, I think if it’s okay for one group to do so, then it should be okay for another.  Think about it, it’s probably not fair to have it okay for ‘blacks only’ if it’s not okay for ‘whites only’ … the questions that remains is who should be the one to decide what’s right.  The answer, of course, is ‘We the people …’