Thanks to being some of the biggest personalities across the pond in the UK, MADD mother-daughter duo in social media/reality television personalities Sue and Imani Evans are bringing their talents to INSCMagazine in a weekly dating advice column titled, ‘Agony Aunt Advice”
Agony Aunt Advice will cover and address various questions about dating, sex and relationships from readers both across the pond and here in the States. If you have a question, you’d like for Sue and Imani to answer in a column, please send them to our email of inscribermagazine@theinscribermag.com
Q1) Dear Sue & Imani,
I looked through my partner’s phone when they were asleep and saw they had visited loads of porn sites. I’m horrified – I’m disgusted they’re watching porn and feel jealous that they’re looking at other people too. What should I do?
Sue says: The truth is that porn is so readily available nowadays you can hardly miss it. It has also become quite acceptable in many circles, especially bloke circles. Porn is no where near as shocking as it used to be back in the day so he may think that browsing through sex sites is perfectly normal.
I think you do need to have a chat with him about this because if its just the odd casual glance then its not the worst thing in the world but if it is becoming a frequent habit and his go to place for kicks then that could become a much bigger concern. See what his attitude is like when you approach the subject. If he lies about it or becomes defensive this is a clear signal that his porny activities are more in depth than his love and respect for you.
Imani Says: So he’s visited loads of porn sites, not even one? Greedy little bugger! I’m not surprised you’re horrified and its important you address this. If he’s having urges to indulge in porn then he should of discussed this with you as going behind your partners back is never OK! He’s obviously searching for something extra.. You’re giving him the main course but he’s got a big appetite and wants some sides as well.
Tell him this makes you uncomfortable and if he doesn’t change his ways then show him the door!
Q2) Dear Sue & Imani,
I’m working a job that I really hate, it makes me miserable and I want to quit. The problem is my current job is very well-paid and my girlfriend thinks I should stick with it because we need the money. If I got another job I enjoyed, my salary would likely be 50% less. What’s your advice?
Sue Says: I cannot sympathise with you enough. Spending a huge portion of your day in a work environment that you cant stand is seriously painful. I have been there too. I didn’t stay because it just made me too agitated and it was starting to effect my everyday life.
Working for a living is one thing but moaning for a living is something else. If you stay things can only get worse and resentment could set in, work performance could drop and your irritability levels could go through the roof. My advice is too start searching for something else and if you have to cut back on a few unimportant expenses then so be it.
Cutting back on your own happiness is not an option!
Imani Says: I’ve been in the same position so I understand how awful it feels to go to a job you hate every day. I used to watch the clock all day and hated my colleagues who would say “It’s not that bad!” Every time I complained!
I decided to leave but that’s because I still lived at home so I had very few responsibilities.
I would recommend going part time while you look into leaving for good. Your girlfriend needs to understand that your happiness is more important than money and if you’ve worked your way up with your current company, you can do it again. Good luck!
Q3) Hi Sue & Imani,
I’m a 21-year-old girl and have the major hots for my best mate’s dad who is 47-years-old. I can tell he likes me too, but if I make a move on him, my best mate will be pissed off and may never speak to me again. Shall I go ahead and try to date him anyway?
Sue Says: The age gap is not the problem here, I have dated older men when I was your age. My discomfort here is that you are getting all HOT and flustered for your besties dad. Finding him attractive is one thing but actually thinking of dating him is quite complicated.
Do you want your friend to become your step daughter? or are you prepared to lose a good friend for a bit of smouldering heat? And what happens when the temperature drops and you get frozen out of the equation? The real question here is simple. Is he worth it? Please tread carefully I don’t want you to lose everything for nothing. Your best friend is BEST for a reason.
Imani Says: My first thought is that the feelings between you and your friends Dad is just lust that could end up being very messy and of I was your friend I’d be totally furious. Surely there’s enough men around to not have to play that close to home.
Don’t risk a meaningful friendship for a cheap thrill that is unlikely to last! My advice is to control your urges until they fade away!
Q4) A few years back I slept with one of my friend’s girlfriends when they just met. I didn’t think they were going to be anything long term, but now a few years have passed and they’re about to get married, and my friend has asked me to be the best man. I haven’t accepted yet because of the guilt. Should I confess to my friend that I slept with his wife-to-be or should I keep quiet and accept the best man role?
Sue Says: I think you owe it to your mate and yourself to confess. Look, you cant even accept this honoured role of best man because you feel so bad. You can pacify your friend by telling him that it only happened once at the very beginning of the relationship and that you would never do it again, if that helps…You do have to tell the truth though.
I really do hope that this can be sorted out amicably, it would be a shame to miss the wedding.
Imani Says: Goodness gracious, how have you kept this a secret for so long? Sleeping with your mates girlfriend is wrong regardless of whether they had been together for 3 weeks or 3 minutes! It’s time to man up and come clean.
He has a right to know exactly who he is marrying as this is likely to come out in the future and if it doesn’t come from you there’s a chance you’ll loose his friendship forever.
It’s best that you cut ties with his wife to be to ensure it never happens again and if he forgives you, consider yourself lucky!
Q5) Hey Sue & Imani,
I’ve put on three stone in weight in the past year and hate what I see in the mirror, my confidence is at an all time low. I don’t have a lot of money though and can’t afford a gym membership or special, fancy diets. How can I lose weight without breaking the bank?
Sue Says: Weight gain and weight loss is got to be the most agonising subject of all time. I have been exactly where you are. Once I stood naked in front of the mirror for 4 hours in shame and I felt like I was a disgrace because I had become so heavy. That’s when I started to keep a food diary and I stopped driving everywhere and started walking 1 hour a day around my local area.
I lost 29lbs in 7 months. This will work for you if you get serious. Wear a weighted backpack and swap some of your high fat foods for leaner versions. Half your carbohydrate intake and reduce your daily calories to 300 less than usual. You can retrain your mind and your body at the same time, there is so much info out there to help you. In bookshops, on the internet, everywhere.
There is no excuse. Get started today.
Imani Says: Loosing weight doesn’t have to be expensive. You’ll need to eat healthy and work out to get the best results as one without the other won’t work. I recommend getting a Zumba DVD that you can do it home because it’s cheap, fun and it works! It’s a low impact dance DVD that will have you feeling sexy in no time!
The more you exaggerate the moves, the quicker you will shed inches. When I was on a weight loss mission I started with Zumba and would flick my hips so vigorously that they would end up on the other side of the room! I loved it and have recommended it to everyone since.
Special thanks to Sue and Imani Evans, King Publishing and Intrigue Agency for their help and assistance.