It used to be so cute when you’d go to the store together and Amanda would run up to you, asking if she could please ‘get another bar of chocolate’, in the most charming way possible, and oh, you just had to say yes! Now, she simply walks in the door, mumbles a greeting (or doesn’t even offer a nod in your direction), and the next thing you hear is a slammed door…and then some loud music that causes an instant headache for you!
The good times have passed and now? Well, she’s a teenager; and these are six steps to help you live with her harmoniously:
1. Breathe.
Look, the signs are all over the place that she’s probably started going out on sneaky dates: the stuffed pillows in her bed after lights-out that you’re too scared to check because you might discover she has gone out yet again; the bright red lipstick that screams ‘crass’ in your ears, but how far has nitpicking gotten you? Nowhere, I suppose.
It might sound counter-intuitive, but its wiser to be seen as unbothered yet welcoming in the eyes of your growing teenager than for her to think you’re some weapon-wielding monster (which is exactly what he/she thinks when you get enraged over their choices). Remember to breathe; it not only serves you, but it also serves them.
2. Get to Know Your Teenager
I know how ‘bleh’ this tip sounds to you. Like, didn’t you raise Johnny since he was pooping in his pants like a grandmaster? So, what’s there to know? You see, that’s the real problem here: that we are so familiar with their faces, with the way their bodies have changed over time, that we often fail to note the subtle differences that mark their growth into adulthood!
You need to start studying them to really KNOW them, what they love, their fears and aspirations, their insecurities (and believe me, all teenagers are insecure about something). Once you do, you’d become their favorite adult!
3. Know their friends- invite them over
If only I had a dollar for parents who act like hawks, attempting to prevent their teenagers from being friends with ‘that girl with the nose ring up the road’ or ‘that boy with 5 tattoos!’. If your child thinks him/her is cool, then you need to know them. This way, you actually know what your teenager admires, and can have some degree of influence over that, without being pushy about it. Also, it shows them that you actually care.
If you’d like to throw a party where kids party entertainment is the focus, you’d also know how to be cool about it because you know what they’re into, and what they’re not!
4. Have Those Awkward Talks
You know, those talks that sometimes make you want to cringe; the talks on sex, drugs, risky behaviors. Don’t assume that they’ll get to learn about them some other place, because what if they are taught wrongly, and they dabble into stuff without knowing if you’d ever accept them back? It helps to know that your arms are always open to comfort them, no matter what happens out there.
5. Everyone Ought to Know the Rules
It’s better to know the rules up front and how they’d be disciplined in advance than to spring up random punishments; if their allowance would be slashed when they stay out too late, then, by all means, let it be decided in advance. The important thing is for rules to be fair, and you can reach a consensus on that together.
6. Be someone they can look up to
There’s nothing more rewarding than a child saying “Hey you know what? I see how my dad treats my mum, and I’m never going to treat a girl with disrespect!” a behavior modeled before him has therefore, served as his cue to act right in society. If you are a role model (by your actions), be assured that your kids will fall in line; even if they don’t appear to do so initially.
Now that you know how to be an awesome parent to a teenager, let’s get to it!