My bride to be has told me dozens of times that I am in touch with my feminine side as well as my masculine side. My emotions are on my sleeves most of the time. I absolutely love her for her honesty and candor and not judging my character or asking me to change it. In many ways her belief in me and what I want to do for a living has spurred me along.
That said, here’s the purpose for this latest Snowman’s Take. What do you do when you are torn between duty and passion. My duty is my daily job, my passion is my broadcasting. Men go through this a lot…repeat A LOT. But are never allowed to explore it or express it. Being one of the few that gets an opportunity to do both, I’ve done some extensive talking with my wife and having her pledge her support to me in whatever I do or decide, I figured I better pen this while I have it in my head, on my heart, and within my soul.
I’m planning to get married in June. I want to support my family in all ways the same way my father did. The problem? I want to do it using my business and not this 9-5 job. Hence the problem. I know for a fact I will get paid every two weeks from my regular job. My business has been inconsistent as far as bringing in money is concerned, but it’s my passion. Steve Harvey said “work your passion” But when I do when I first took the regular job in December, it took me away from my sportscasting and my sports journalism. And, as I am no longer afraid to admit it – it’s made me depressed. And I don’t like being depressed.
Many factors led to my fights with depression, and this is a HUGE one. Being torn between duty and passion. I’m so torn as I sit here covering a basketball game and planning my morning show I am on the verge of tears. You may ask why? Well, I’m scheduled to do my regular job tomorrow and I simply don’t want to. It’s not that don’t want to walk away from my duty, I just want to dedicate more time to my passion.
The biggest knuckleball is my schedule. I’m working days where I know I can put in the most time in building my empire. I feel I’m being pulled away from wanting to build and the cement slowly forming around my feet. This after years and years of avoiding this and believing in what I do and what I want so fiercely that I said I would never ever take a “regular” job. Yet here I am with one sworn to duty.
I’m fighting this like hell. I don’t wanna walk away from my duty as a husband financially, but the biggest thing that makes me happy is my passion for sportscasting. In particular calling high school games and college games. I’ve missed the better part of the last three basketball seasons and the last two baseball seasons because of this and other factors off mic that have kept me from what I love.
The only thing that has helped is having a woman in my corner that truly gives a damn. Which is why she gets the ring and my heart. She understands being torn and she has listened to me cry, bitch, moan, scream, get frustrated, cuss, and everything on this subject.
How many of you men have gone through this? Are going through this? Is it as crazy as it feels? frustrating as it feels? Is it the kind of fight that you fear? Loathe? hate? Have you had to ask yourself these tough questions? I’m still asking them. Which gives me the clue that I’m not the only one. I’m learning how to handle it and I pretty much know the answer. It’s just taking me a while to get there. But I’ll be damned if I don’t get there. It’s just me being patient with the journey to my answer and figuring out the next move.
It’ll take one hell of a leap of faith. But I’ve done it before with success. And I’ll have more of it. Don’t be afraid to make the leap and trust the process and the people in it. Answer the questions. Use the knowledge. Level up.
That’s Snowman’s Take! That’s yours!