Its not sex, trust or even video games – ITS COMMUNICATION that is ruining your relationship—OR lack of!
You can play the blame game every day if you want and make up excuse after excuse as to why you are unhappy and why your relationship is deteriorating, but in reality all of these issues you are facing or feelings you are having are due to lack of real communication with your partner.
I will give you a good example.
You get mad at your partner about something and it’s a continuous circle of getting mad about the same thing, and no matter how many times you try to make them understand what you are saying, they continuously do the same thing over and over until you get to the point where you are so agitated that you get completely turned off by them sexually, and then it becomes the sex blame game instead of how you really feel.
Then you start saying things like “We don’t even have sex anymore”, instead of trying to communicate differently about how you originally felt. If your partner isn’t understanding your communication, you need to find a more effective way to communicate what you want or don’t want.
A relationship works both ways and if you are truly trying to make someone understand your needs you need to do research on how to communicate your needs to them. The way you may need something communicated may not be the same at the way your partner needs it communicated.
Does that make sense?
I once read a meme that stated “Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to live. Without it. It dies.” This is 100 percent true, as I see communication as the route to all other aspects of your relationship.
Here are a few things that can help you communicate better with your spouse;
1) Put your phones down and talk face to face: Avoid Text messages and phone calls. This avoids all kinds of possible misunderstandings
2) The Perfect Time: Make sure you are not stressing your opinions before bed, first thing in the morning or when your in the middle of an argument. Find a good time when both are relaxed and there aren’t any distractions.
3) 2-day grace period: If you’re angry about something, your significant other did take some time to think about whether it was a spur of the moment kind of aggravation, or if what they did really hurt you. Give yourself two days or more to really think about if it bothered you, and if it did talk about it.
4) Honesty is key: Yeah! It sucks sometimes to suck up your pride and really get honest about the mistakes that you make, but in the end it will work out in your favor. When communicating state the words “I feel” or “We’. Don’t attack the other person continuously using “You”. This makes people become defensive and in reality what they did was bothersome to you, you allowed this to bother you so you need to take care of you and fix it. This will help strengthen your relationship.
5) Listen and take breaks: Don’t just listen and know the answer, listen to what your partner says back and believe that they will do this. If what they have to say is making you angry take a step back and breath. Take a short break and tell your partner you need a few minutes before continuing and calm yourself down.
Taking breaks will keep the arguing down. Empathy is a really great skill to practice to become a better communicator.
Figuring out how your partner communicates and understanding their way of communicating can help you greatly when getting into arguments. After being in an 11-year relationship where every mistake was made relationship wise, I have become very aware that communication was the key factor.
After reading books on the 5 love languages I believe I myself have become a better communicator and I would advise to continually work on learning how to effectively communicate so that your relationship can only become stronger instead of feeling empty.