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Week 8 Fantasy Football Picks: Halloween Edition

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It’s late October. That means cooler temperatures, falling leaves, rising heating bills and pumpkin spiced everything. It also means more football and trick or treating.

Everyone remembers strapping on some terribly produced plastic mask (that inevitably cracked near your mouth and continuously pinched your lips), grabbing a pillowcase and plodding door-to-door while begging for candy like the sugar fiend that you were.

“Trick or treat,” you’d yell while never actually considering the meaning of the ultimatum you were giving. Nevertheless, there you were waiting for some stranger to grab a handful of early onset diabetes and plop it into your sackful of stomachache. Upon returning home you dumped out your confectionary collection, sat down in the floor and began the sorting process.

Ah, yes, the sorting process. The “good” candy went in one pile, the “bad” candy went in another pile and the candy corn could go back to the disgusting section of hell from whence it came.

With that process in mind, I’m going to give you a fantasy player that you should put in your good pile, a player that should go in your bad pile and a player that is straight up candy corn.

Carson Wentz – Good Pile

Wentz is coming off a Monday Night game where he put up 268 yards and 4 touchdowns through the air to go along with 63 rushing yards. The Eagles are 6-1 overall and have won 4 straight. He’ll be looking to continue this success when the ghoulish 49ers make the 2,800-mile trek to Philadelphia. Yes, the same 49ers that just gave up 40 points to the visiting Cowboys.

Carson Wentz is a bona fide Snickers this week. A full one too. None of that fun size nonsense.

DeAndre Hopkins – Bad Pile

Over his last 3 games Hopkins has amassed 5 receiving touchdowns. FYI, that’s pretty good. However, if you take a closer look at those games, you’ll his catches have declined faster than a maxed out credit card. As you might expect that has translated into less yards too. In his last contest, Hopkins only hauled in 2 catches for 19 yards but did have a touchdown. Expect the reenergized Seahawks defense to cause problems for Hopkins and the Texans offense.

DeAndre Hopkins is a Milk Dud for week 8. Delicious looking on the outside but 20 minutes later you’re still chewing and realize you need to brush your teeth.

Martavis Bryant – Candy Corn

There’s a movie called How To Lose Friends and Alienate People and while I’ve never watched it, you could tell me that it’s a documentary about the recent life of Martavis Bryant and I would believe you. Over the last few days Bryant has demanded that the Steelers trade him, blasted a teammate on social media and called in sick for a practice session. Usually 3 strikes means you’re out but for Martavis I’m betting it means something totally different. I’m willing to bet that Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin is clearing out a special spot in his doghouse for Mr. Bryant.

Treat him like the weird dark house at the end of the street and stay far, far away. Martavis Bryant is candy corn with glass in it.

Trust the process, everyone. Happy Halloween.

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