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Emotionally Unavailable Men: The New Don Juan

A year ago I started seeing Benicio, an emotionally unavailable man he’s someone I’ve known since high school. There was an immediate re-connection and it caused me to fall for him even though he said he was was emotionally unavailable.

The reason being he had just gotten a divorce and yet I didn’t care. Benicio had me hooked and at that point there was no way to let him go, even if I tried. At that point it was almost like an addiction. This led me to push harder and the result being kept at arms length.

We are really good for each other too. I’ve never met a man who allowed for me to completely be myself.

Relationships with unavailable men are frustrating and unsatisfying, yet many women try to stick it out and make things work. The important question to ask is why and more importantly who are these emotionally unavailable men?

By definition these are men who ultimately won’t commit or settle down, sometimes are already married or in another relationship, or are unfaithful in a supposedly monogamous relationship. Women who fall for unavailable men usually  are more committed to the relationship than the men are.

It also allows women in this situation to give men all the power and control in the relationship, also means more work to keep their partners interested and often times will try to change behaviors to get viewed in a favorable light.

Women who fall for unavailable men have some profound insecurities, self-esteem issues and often time investing so much energy in unavailable men isn’t a conscious decision.

If for some reason the unavailable man finally comes around and commits, at long last—there’s proof of being worthy. Sadly, without it, their self-worth is left hanging in the wind. By dedicating time and effort into a one-sided relationship the thought of finding someone else is unthinkable.

With this kind of behavior it creates problems and shows self-esteem issues, these women aren’t fools. Often times what gets ignored is their perseverance. If the woman sets her mind on getting the attention and affection of an unavailable man, she goes to great lengths to keep giving him chances.

At the same time though, she’ll often makes excuses for the negligent behavior of the one their seeking. Though this approach isn’t ideal, her behavior reflects the fact that she is patient, hard working, and committed to someone she cares about. Those are impressive qualities.

Presently I’m still seeing Benicio and holding out hope that someday soon he’ll change his mind and become available and give me a chance.



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Robert D. Cobb
Founder, Publisher and CEO of INSCMagazine. Works have appeared and featured in places such as Forbes, Huffington Post, ESPN and NBC Sports to name a few. Follow me on Twitter at @RobCobb_INSC, email me at [email protected]

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