Lifestyle Relationships Uncategorized

Women: How to tell if you’re the mistress, girlfriend or wife


Hey, ladies, I have a question for you. Where do you rank in that man’s life? Do you know? How does he address you, or does he even address you? I recently had the discomfort of someone asking me early in the morning while I was getting dressed “what are we doing here, are we a couple or are we just…”. After I gave her my answer, there will never be another misunderstanding again. But some ladies still want to know; they must know and while some guys will get mad, feel cornered and pressured you can’t blame them for wanting to know where they stand in your life. So, ladies, I will give you some help with this, he doesn’t have to tell you anything, listen to what he says, watch his body movements and you will get your answers.

You may want to know if you are the only one in his life, and you have every right to know, don’t be afraid to ask, a closed mouth never gets feed right? So, my question to you ladies is, have you met his friends, and if you have how you were introduced? Did he say, “this is my friend or my woman”? Have you met the parents and most importantly, when it’s time for the guy’s night out, does he check in with you first? Those are just a few for you to think about as I begin to help you find your place in his life.

The Mistress

You often wonder why you get the text (only text) after 11 pm. It’s the booty call text. “What you doing”? There is never any mention of how was your day, or how your kids or family are doing. There are no real date nights, maybe a movie or a dinner in another part of town but nothing that will suggest he wants to be seen in public with you. It’s not to say that you’re a mud-duck looking women but it’s to say that you’re not important enough to be flaunted around in public, maybe because someone might see you.

You call, and it goes either straight to voicemail, or he never picks up. That’s a sign there. You invite him over for dinner, but he refuses, but will hit you back a few hours later and ask “are you sleep”? You are never invited to cookouts, parties, hell you’re not even a Facebook friend as your request is still pending for the last year. It’s time to come to terms that you’re a booty call, the side piece or the mistress.

The Girlfriend

You will get the text, plus the phone calls, date night and almost everything else. He knows your kids, and they know him. His family knows you, and his friends know of you. They know you exist, but you haven’t met them all. He may call to check up on you at work, show up if you’re at the hospital, take you on dates in public and may show PDA. After sex, he goes into the bathroom, washes off and gets right back in bed with you.

Yes, you have a title, you are the official girlfriend. You can ask a question and be 70% certain you will get an answer, but, you may feel like it’s all good until you start to wonder if there could be more. Whoa, now the walls go up, you’re talking about putting a ring on it, settling down, raising a family, getting a minivan and leaving that mistress above behind. That’s a lot to ask of a man, and you may have special rights as a girlfriend, you may even know about the mistress, but you just crossed the line with that marriage talk.

When he is ready he will make a reference to it; any other way is you giving him pressure to answer you and you may not be ready for that answer. Trust me when I tell you, let it happen on its own, because if you force it, you will regret it. For now, enjoy your special privileges like the keys to his house, access to his Facebook profile page, but there are still some restrictions you have that only a wife can get. But be happy, you are the girlfriend. Could be worse, you could still be in the mistress zone.

The Wife

If you reached this status, then give yourself a pat on the back. There are no rules where you are concerned. You know all his friends, family, co-workers, hell you even know that female bartender at his favorite sports bars. Where the mistress only gets a movie and a dinner in a city 45 minutes away and the girlfriend gets one at her house, but you have him in the kitchen cooking with an “I love Lucy” apron on.

You don’t get invited to cookouts because you are the ones hosting the events. You get invited to other weddings, not as a plus one but as a couple. You not only have access to his Facebook profile page, hell you made the account for him. When it’s time for him to go out with his boys, you drop him off, so he has a designated driver. After sex there is no getting up and washing yourself off, just lay right in the juices.

When it’s time to use the bathroom there is no closing of the door, he could be in the shower or brushing his teeth, and you still plop down and drop a deuce, no shame. If either of you has kids from a previous relationship, they are now your kids, not step (step is for a girlfriend) a wife takes the child on as her own. You argue and throw stuff, if he doesn’t want to listen, you have his mother or sister on speed dial. You have the right to argue with his mother and sister; you are the WIFE.

No need for you to visit him in the hospital because nine times out of 10, you probably put him there. There’re no other women in his life cause you kicked all their asses when you were the mistress which got you promoted to girlfriend then to wife. The Wife is the platinum membership at Sams Club. You don’t have to show ID to get in, the greeter knows your name, no waiting in line, you hit the wife express checkout. You are #1.

To be honest, ladies, if you don’t know his friends, or where he works, he never mentions his kids around you or talks about his daily problems then move on. To that girlfriend, if you can’t accept his kids and baby mother than then you will never reach wife status. To the Wife, you are the reason he gets up in the morning and does what he does. You put up with everything and accepts him for him, that’s why you have that ring and the others don’t. And if you disagree with this article that means only one thing, you’re still at mistress or girlfriend level.


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Robert D. Cobb
Founder, Publisher and CEO of INSCMagazine. Works have appeared and featured in places such as Forbes, Huffington Post, ESPN and NBC Sports to name a few. Follow me on Twitter at @RobCobb_INSC, email me at [email protected]