We often love to tell ourselves that failure is not an option. But failure is inevitable in life no matter how hard we try. Despite your best efforts, you are bound to fail at some point. Perhaps it is the failure of a marriage. You may have failed at your first business or been fired from a job. It could be something out of your control, such as losing money in the stock market. It’s unavoidable that we’re all going to fail at something at some point. Failure is an inevitable part of life, so we must learn to overcome it.
Learn Self-Compassion
The key to overcoming failure is to learn self-compassion. It’s normal to be hard on yourself after a failure. You might dwell on self-defeating thoughts like, “I’m a loser” or “I’ll never succeed.” However, these thoughts are useless. They cause us to think negatively, which perpetuates feelings of despair and helplessness. These thoughts can severely affect our self-image and self-esteem if we let them fester.
To avoid this, we must treat ourselves with compassion. It might sound like new-age nonsense, but there is science behind it. Studies show that people who use self-compassion in the face of failure enjoy better emotional balance than people who do not. Those who use self-compassion also experience fewer thoughts of self-criticism and don’t identify themselves as a failure.
How Do You Practice Self-Compassion?
The goal is to master three basic concepts. Your first step is to identify and accept your true emotions. Feeling angry, afraid, embarrassed, etc., is okay. Identify your emotions and express them. Say it out loud: “I’m angry!”
The second concept to master is realizing that you’re not alone. Tyler Read, Founder and Senior Editor at Personal Trainer Pioneer explains, “Human beings are prone to failure in various forms, and it happens to all of us eventually. When you fail, it’s easy to feel isolated, alone, or ashamed. It can be helpful to remember that most people will fail at something at some point and that failure is a natural part of life.”
Lastly, imagine how you would talk to a friend who failed. Would you tell them that failure is not an option and that they should try harder? Probably not. You would likely tell your friend that people fail all the time, that they will learn from it, and that you are there for them. Why not do the same for yourself?
Helpful Tips on Overcoming Failure
Build Resilience
Resilience is the ability to adapt to changing circumstances, such as failure. Instead of internalizing failure and giving up, a resilient person accepts what happened, learns from it, and moves on. So, what can you do to strengthen your resilience?
Resiliency begins with learning to view hardships as challenges rather than permanent circumstances. There is no doubt that failure can be challenging. However, even the most crushing defeat will not last forever. Even if you’re going through hard times right now, eventually, the tide will turn, and things will turn around – or at least stop actively crashing down around you.
Another critical component of resilience is commitment. People who are resilient find motivation within themselves to keep going. Despite the temptation to mope in bed and hide from our failures under the covers, the resilient person knows that this is counterproductive. Jae Pak, Founder of Jae Pak MD Medical states, “Resilient people are committed to their goals. Commitment isn’t just limited to work. Resilient people have strong and meaningful relationships with others and are passionate about causes they care about. They are motivated by these commitments and causes, which give them a reason to keep fighting and not give up when faced with challenges.”
Develop Healthy Habits
Failure is not an option when it comes to developing healthy habits. It may seem odd to discuss healthy habits when discussing how to overcome failure. However, healthy habits are a key component in overcoming failure. If you encounter a failure and immediately stop exercising, drink excessively, or comfort yourself with food, you won’t feel any better. These unhealthy coping mechanisms may temporarily make you feel good. However, they usually have disastrous long-term effects. If you fail to cope with failure in a healthy manner, you’re going to find yourself in a downward spiral. We can all acknowledge that this is an undesirable outcome.
Finding a way to continue healthy habits in the face of failure is essential. Being mindful is one of the most important healthy habits you should develop or maintain when trying to overcome failure. According to Max Schwartzapfel, CMO of Fighting For You, “Mindfulness is the ability to be acutely aware of your emotions and thoughts without allowing them to consume you. Mindfulness can help you process your feelings of shame, frustration, and disappointment after a failure without becoming depressed or angry.”
Another healthy habit that can help you overcome failure is exercise. Failure can be a stressful event that releases stress hormones such as cortisol. Exercise is an excellent way to reduce the damage caused by these stress hormones. When you’re stressed, hit the gym for a workout and let your frustrations out on the machines. If you need to relax, consider taking a walk in the park or even going on a hike. Physical activity can be an excellent way to deal with frustration and disappointment.
Find a Failure Role Model
Typically, when we think of role models, we think of people we aspire to be like. So why would we want to emulate someone who failed? To put it simply, failure is a step on the path to success. Many wildly successful people have failed at some point in their lives.
Still not convinced? Think about Oprah Winfrey. Even though she is now worth billions and beloved by millions of fans thanks to her talk show and media empire, Winfrey was fired from her first TV job as a news anchor for Baltimore’s WJZ-TV. When you look at people like Oprah Winfrey as failure role models, you can better understand how to overcome failure. “You may be facing hard times right now, but with persistence and dedication, you can still succeed.” says Kevin Miller, Founder of Kevin Miller. “Rather than focusing on the idea that failure is not an option, accept it and find ways to continue regardless.”
The Final Step: Moving On
Moving on is the last step in learning how to overcome failure. When you fail, it’s okay to be upset, resentful, or even mope about what happened. Expressing your feelings is healthy! Nevertheless, holding on to those feelings consumes mental energy and resources that could be used to create a successful enterprise from the ruins.
Life will present you with challenges, strong emotions, and obstacles that seem insurmountable. However, a rational approach can help you to overcome a setback. When you treat yourself with kindness and develop resilience, you’re developing cognitive skills that will benefit you in every aspect of your life. Finding a failure role model can gain historical perspective and learn from those who have gone before you. Establishing healthy habits will benefit you for the rest of your life. Failing may seem like the end of the road, but it’s not. Failing is just a brief pit stop on the way to success. Don’t give up, stay positive, and don’t be hard on yourself. Your life will be back on track in no time.