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Dating: How To Land A Commitment Phobe

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(September 28, 2014 - Source: Bauer Griffin)
(September 28, 2014 – Source: Bauer Griffin)


With the recent wedding of longtime bachelor, George Clooney to British human rights lawyer, Amal Alamuddin, those wedding bells signified the sound of women everywhere crying that Clooney is now taken, but the death bell for single and unattached men hoping to cling to their bachelor ways.

Before tying the knot a second time—as he was married before to Talia Balsam, Clooney was seen amongst men as a living saint of St. Bachelorhood and the ultimate man’s man in dating hotties such as Stacy Kiebler and Elisabetta Canalis.

Among women, Clooney—also know as “Gorgeous George”—was seen as the ultimate catch in being handsome, rich, stylish and worldly.  Despite being 53, many women saw the silver-coifed Clooney as the ultimate older—yet sexy guy—that they’ve always wanted to fulfill their inner Electra complex.

In the ultimate pantheon of men in female fantasies, it’s safe to say that Clooney ranks right up there alongside Sir Sean Connery, Ryan Gosling, Idris Elba, Taye Diggs, Morris Chestnut, Denzel Washington, Bradley Cooper, Colin Farrell, Channing Tatum, Brad Pitt, Chris Hemsworth and Daniel Craig.

Back to the present, with Clooney now off the market, is there hope of single guys up and suddenly want to commit to their better halves?

Not so fast.

In trying to channel my inner Steve Harvey-Guy Code whisperer, this writer will offer some advice to the ladies about how to get your other half to trade in drinking nights at the bar for slumming it on the couch and watching “The Bachelor” and talking about his feelings instead.

If you follow my three tips, you’ll be soon gabbing to your BFF’s about ring sizes and new houses soon enough.

1.) Be upfront about what you want, but don’t make an ultimatum: I know this sounds tricky, but as a married man, no man wants to hear ultimatiums from anyone other than his future—or current–spouse. Men communicate logically, whereas women communicate emotionally.  What men want to hear is something upfront, instead of trying to decipher cryptic demands, à la Sex In The City.

If you feel comfortable putting yourself out there, then so will he. But don’t expect him to commit to you, if you’re not up-front and direct first.

2.) Give him space, but be secure: Nothing turns off a guy faster—other than getting his tail kicked by a 13-year-old in Madden/Call of Duty—than an insecure, crazy and psychotic woman, who feels the need to be constantly reassured.

Men and women may be different animals, but they both are attracted to the same thing.  Confidence.

To a man, nothing is sexier than a woman in charge, knows what she wants and is confident, i.e., being an alpha female. When a guy is constant bombarded with needy texts, constant pressure to praise, psycho-analyze insecurities or general over-nagging, then consider him done with you faster than you can book that wedding planer.

Men need to feel like a protector, provider and security detail for his woman, Men are not emotionally capable of dealing with a woman’s insecurities on an emotional level, which may scare off a commit-phobe if they feel they have to proverbially baby-sit you.

In terms of space. Men love their “me time” whether it is watching sports, playing video games and drinking.  If a guy feels that he is being too crowded and his personal space in being invaded, then he will take his business elsewhere.  Men want to feel like an individual, not treated like a DIY fix-it project.

3.) Be patient, but don’t wait too long: This will hit close to home for a lot of women, who have stayed too long in mediocre to bad relationships with slackers who will never commit, but do JUST enough to keep you around.  It could either be mind-blowing, bed-shaking sex, a thousand roses and fancy dinners that keep these women around pining for the one day that hell freezes over and “Mr. Big” decides to put a ring on it.

Women are just as guilty as men for staying in relationships longer than they should.  Piece of advice, if you are with a guy for three years or more, it’s either time to ask what his long-term plans are for the relationship, or consider leaving him.

There will come a time when a man is ready to forsake random hookups, partying and dorm-style living for 401k’s, a steady job and a house in the suburbs.  When that time comes, a woman needs to be there to support his decision, not nit-pick or criticize it.  It is true that it takes men longer to mature than women, but when they do, you’ll know.

All men as of a prospective wife is to be loving, caring, nurturing and supportive. What men also want is someone comfortable, stable and secure in themselves too.

If you are reading this blog and feels that some of this either applies to you or a friend of yours, then you are most likely in the company of a Clooney-like commitment-phobe, or are one yourself.  Based on recent events, if a seemingly eternal bachelor such as Clooney can finally commit, then so can you—or whoever that special someone is in your life.

#GuyCode #TheBachelor #ClooneyWedding

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Robert D. Cobb
Founder, Publisher and CEO of INSCMagazine. Works have appeared and featured in places such as Forbes, Huffington Post, ESPN and NBC Sports to name a few. Follow me on Twitter at @RobCobb_INSC, email me at robert.cobb@theinscribermag.com

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