Dating: Treat Her Like A Sexual Object

Most guys that I work with who are having trouble attracting women insist that they are being real with the women they are dating, and that for some reason it just isn’t working for them. After talking to them for a few minutes, it quickly becomes evident that they really aren’t being real with these women at all.

And the women know it.

You see these men seem to think that by telling the woman they’re with every boring detail about their jobs, their childhood, and how tough it was for them growing up without a father, that they are being honest and real. In reality, they’re doing no such thing. All they are really doing is covering up the truth about themselves with boring facts about their daily lives.

So, what is this truth that they are covering up…?

That they find the woman they’re with sexually desirable.

Out of the hundreds of men that I have worked with over the years, the one thing that seems to be a constant is that men who aren’t good with women are ashamed of their sexual desire and often try to cover it up. In order to hide their shame, these men do one of two things: they either try to flaunt their sexuality or (more often than not) they try to cover it up by pretending that it doesn’t exist and never acknowledging it.

Usually their reasons for doing this have to do with issues from their childhood. Most of these men grew up being taught that their sexuality was a source of shame and that they need to hide it, especially from women, less they run the risk of scaring them off. These are usually the same guys who insist that women love jerks, that women don’t really like sex and that the female orgasm is just a myth.

And they wonder why women don’t want to have sex with them. Go figure.

One of the most prevalent excuses that I hear for why these men hide their sexuality is that they don’t want to disrespect women by viewing them as sexual objects. Viewing a woman as a sexual object is, in their mind’s eye, to demean her and rob her of her dignity as a person (or some other lame excuse that they don’t really believe).

Listen up, fellas.

If you are one of those guys who think this way, let me let you in on a little secret that most women will never admit to in a million years (except to a lover who already knows the truth)…



You heard me, they like it.

Every single one of them. No exceptions. Not one.

They just won’t admit it in public, because they don’t want to be viewed as sluts – which is true. They don’t. At least, not outside of the bedroom. Inside the bedroom, they love it.

Here is another fact you know to be true, that society teaches men to deny: All heterosexual men view women as sexual objects. Every single one of them. No exceptions. Not one.

In fact, we are biologically programmed to view them that way.


If they didn’t, they would never submit to having sex with us, and there would be no more babies. The fact that you are alive tells you that women do in fact enjoy being treated as sexual objects. If they didn’t, you would’ve never been born.

Believe it or not, women are actually turned on by being sexually desired by a man who is not afraid to express that desire in a tactful and non-needy way.

Being sexually desired makes a woman feel feminine and alive. It also makes them feel powerful being able to elicit that kind of a response in a man, as it is proof that they are desirable as a potential mate.

Why do you think they wear clothes that accentuate their sexual objects like their breasts, legs and butts? It’s because they like being viewed as sexual objects. They love knowing that they can elicit feelings of intense desire in a man.

(For the record, women do not dress FOR other women. That is a total lie. They dress to compete with other women for the sexual desires of men. Trust me, if there weren’t any men around, the sale of high heels and thongs would plummet like a rock falling from space, while the sale of cookie dough ice cream, Snuggies and sweat pants would go through the roof.)

By the way, want to know the real reason nice guys finish last with women (or usually not at all)?

It’s because they don’t view women as sexual objects, and they try to hide their sexual desire whenever they’re with them. Unbeknownst to them, this makes them far less attractive to women, especially compared to the over-confident jerks that don’t hide their sexuality at all.

Deep down, women secretly crave a man who possesses the sexual confidence (and skill) to bend her over the table and have his way with her. Since nice guys hide their sexual desire for fear of scaring women off (because they are scared of it themselves), they don’t appear to have the confidence to do what women really want them to do. That’s why the ladies tend to avoid them. It’s not because they’re nice. It’s because, sexually speaking, they’re wimps.

Listen to this text message that a young woman sent me just this past week:

“…it is a huge turn on for me when a guy takes what he wants from me when he wants it and how he wants it.”

And she was a Mormon girl, too!


Now before you go out and start flaunting your sexuality and trying to bend women over tables in order to express your sexual desire five minutes after you meet them, there is one very important thing about that you need to know…

While women do crave a man who is sexually confident enough to express his desire for her and treat her like a sexual object, they only want it from him once they know three things:

  1. That they are sexually attracted to him.
  2. That their physical/emotional safety will be ensured. (She trusts him not to hurt her.)
  3. That he knows how to convey his sexual desire discreetly and with a certain level of tact (also known as flirting or teasing).

All three of these things take time to discover, which means that you must give her time to discover them before you let her know (discretely) that you want to play hide the salami.

That’s why women are so turned off by guys who are overtly sexual right off the bat and make lewd comments and gestures in public places. They know instantly that guys like that don’t really know how the game is played and therefore will very rarely (if ever) give them a chance to step up to the plate, yet alone round the bases.

Guys who take the time to properly warm her up first with non-needy behavior and interesting conversation, laced with sexual innuendo, who will confidently and discretely whisper into her ear how they’re going to make her shudder with unbridled ecstasy once he gets her alone, will at least make it out of the batter’s box. More likely than not, they’ll be able to hit it… out of the park.


While women do want to be treated like sexual objects, none of them want to be treated like they are ONLY sexual objects. Ultimately, they want to be loved and treated with respect, as well.

Granted, some women may not think that they deserve respect, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t want it or that you shouldn’t give it to them. Respect, after all, isn’t about the other person. It’s about you.

All respect comes from self-respect. And those who don’t respect others don’t respect themselves.

That’s why when she says “no” to your sexual advances, you must say, “I understand”, cease all sexual contact with her… and then discretely, but confidently, try again later.

By the way, when she says “no”, it’s because you failed to do at least one of the three things I mentioned earlier. For while women do want to be treated like sexual objects, they also want you to respect them and yourself enough to do it on their terms.

This article also appears at Become The Man here.


By Robert D. Cobb

Founder, Publisher and CEO of INSCMagazine. Works have appeared and featured in places such as Forbes, Huffington Post, ESPN and NBC Sports to name a few. Follow me on Twitter at @RobCobb_INSC, email me at

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