Sorry ladies but this is the time of year where we as men get to see how dedicated to the relationship you are. The NFL season is here and while you may have had our attention for the past 8 months it’s time we get a little space. We’re not asking for much, just a few months out of the year.
To be fair, we watched Housewives of Atlanta, New Jersey, Alaska, cooking shows, went shopping, hell we even took you out to a few romantic dinners but now we need some ME time. We hope you understand, it’s not you, it’s us. And before you start with that “I can give you Sunday’s”, that’s where you’re wrong, football is all week baby. It starts on a Thursday, then we have recaps on Friday, Saturday is preview day, Sunday is main game day, Monday is game night and Tuesday is reserved for trash-talking. According to our schedule we can squeeze you in for a possible date night Wednesday, pending any Breaking News.
Does that sound fair?
I sure hope so because that’s the offer on the table, you knew the rules when we started dating.
But I totally didn’t forget about you. I still have to work and with work comes a paycheck, now you have free reign to get crazy but you’re on a budget. This is my ME time but it’s also time for me to spoil you, just without my presence, isn’t that every woman’s dream? Now, you have options and I will ask this ONLY once, you could sit down with me and watch the game, but do not and I repeat DO NOT ask me a million questions about what’s going on throughout the entire game. You have a small window to learn the game from me, call it your “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” lifeline. Anytime between 7am and 11am you can ask away but once that window closes I will only accept short text messages during commercials.
During these next 5 months DO NOT make any family vacation or dinner plans with friends and if your parents decide they want to stop pass I will offer to pay for a hotel room. I love you and the kids but there is no daddy play time available. Remember this spring and summer when we went Ice Age and Frozen crazy every weekend, yup that was a part of my master plan, get it all out their system. It’s being a great father, I’m teaching our son how to do this and you’re showing our daughter how to act accordingly for her marriage. See, I’m grooming them for the future and you think I didn’t care, shame on you.
As far as getting the kids to school, I will only carpool with other football fathers, if they don’t like the NFL, it’s a no go, kids are on their own. As for dinners, I have ordered a new stand, a micro-fridge and new lazy boy as I will no longer be at the table.
Now if you can agree to these terms we shall have us a great NFL season. Love you.