Romantic relationships have conflict
Every interpersonal relationship has conflict. Whether it’s a friendship or a romantic relationship, you will have disagreements with somebody that you are close to you, and that is normal. It’s what happens after you have a disagreement that matters. Conflict is a normal part of relationships. Some people handle it well, and others avoid it. Avoidance can lead to further problems in the relationship, and it can be damaging. It’s challenging to face issues that are hard to deal with but avoiding the problems will make it worse. So, let’s talk about the positive aspects of conflict in a relationship and how it can make your partnership better.
Using “I messages.”
There are healthy ways to fight, but on the other hand, there are couples with dynamics that have constant, counterproductive arguing. One of the best ways that you can have a disagreement is to express your feelings and use I statements. Too often in relationships, we are blaming the other person. We say things like “you did this to me” and “I am angry.” With an “I message,” on the other hand, you are telling your partner I feel ___when you ___; so it’s a matter of sharing your feelings rather than blaming them for how they feel. Your emotions are just as valid as theirs are. You cannot tell another person how they feel, but you can own your feelings. You’re letting your partner know that their behavior impacts you, and now that you’ve let them know that you’re feeling hurt, they have the opportunity to respond with how they feel. Here is an example of an “I message.”
Let’s say that your partner gets angry very easily and it upsets you because you want to have a discussion with them, but they’re a little too heated. In this example, you can tell them how you feel when they raise their voice. Say, “I feel scared when you get angry.” That is an example of an I message. They aren’t a mind reader, nor can they tell you how you feel, so express your feelings and let the other person know how you feel so that they can then use I messages as well in response to you. After hearing how you feel, they then have the opportunity to paraphrase how you feel so that they make sure that they understand it. So, they can say something like “so, what I’m hearing you say is you feel scared when I get angry. Is that right?”
After that, they can say how they feel. Maybe, they’ll say, “I feel angry when you trigger me.” You might not know what triggers your partner, and once you understand that, you can have a discussion about what sort of things make them upset and how they can work through this issue with you. When you’re in a romantic relationship, you care about the other person, and it’s important that you understand that everybody has different triggers and that it’s okay to feel upset when someone triggers you. It’s about working through these difficult feelings and respecting the other person.
Conflict helps better your relationship
Fighting with your partner may seem unpleasant, but arguing with a purpose is a good thing. Let’s say that you and your partner have a disagreement about going out. He likes to stay in and watch Netflix, and you would rather go out to eat and have a night on the town. When you disagree on this issue, and you understand his point of you versus your perspective, you can figure out a compromise. Maybe, you’re agitated with him because you’re tired of asking him to go out and him ignoring your needs. So you express that to him and say, “I am frustrated because I want to go out and you don’t.” Using an “I message,” you can say, “I feel sad when you don’t want to go out.” Here we have an opportunity to compromise. Maybe you’ll decide together that in the future, you’ll stay in sometimes, and other times, you go out to dinner. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It’s a good practice to compromise with your partner because not everyone is going to get their way all the time; which is part of just about every aspect of the family dynamic. Relationships are about trust, love, and compromise.
When the conflict doesn’t stop
While it’s true that conflict is an opportunity for discussion and using I statements, it is also something that can take over the relationship, and that is difficult because you want to be in an environment where your needs are being met, where you feel like you can express yourself, and your partner respects your feelings and emotions. It’s also important to have security in knowing that you have the opportunity to be yourself and that your partner is going to hear you out when you speak. Your partner needs to feel the same way. If the conflicts are happening constantly and overtaking the relationship, you may need to seek outside help in the form of couples counseling.
Couples counselings is an excellent place to discuss issues in your relationship related to intimacy, communication, and trust. You can also set boundaries with your partner and have your couples counselor teach you how to do this. Learning to communicate effectively and set boundaries are vital relationship skills, and that’s how professional can help you when you’re at a loss as to how to fix the issues in your relationship. Maybe you have had some great discussions with your partner and come to some good compromises, but you’re still at a loss as to how to work through these issues in therapy. That’s where a couples counselor can also help. Whether you are seeing a counselor in your local area or you choose online counseling, it might just be the thing that saves the relationship. Online counselings https://www.regain.us/advice/ is a great way for you and your partner to get the help that you need to resolve these conflicts. You can talk to people who are trained mental health professionals in the field, and they will help you work through these issues. Don’t be afraid to ask for the help that you need if you’re fighting with your partner and can’t seem to break through the discord in your relationship. You know how much your partner means to you, and that’s why it’s important to keep moving through this and get help with your partnership.