BDSM is a sexual practice that involves pleasure and pain. BDSM stands for bondage, dominance, discipline, sadism and masochism. The people or users of BDSM gain erotic pleasure out of the experience – the pleasure beyond degradation, and pain. Some use it as a part of sexual foreplay but some live a lifestyle on this basis. For the purpose of this article, we will be focusing on the sexual aspect of it and see who like BDSM the most.
No study states that women or men like it most. Although one erotica writer did state that because of the popularity of movies and books like Fifty shades, women were more open to trying BDSM and they also read bdsm sex stories. It is safe to assume that BDSM as a sexual practice has an equal number of participants from both the sexes. However, if it comes to liking, I feel that women could be more inclined towards liking BDSM. Not any studies to show it, but more of a perspective as a woman. Most men I have been with aren’t ok with spanking or using any instrument for increased pleasure. They may be ok with giving it to me, like spanking me or using a butt plug on me, if I ask them. It could also mean that women are alright being in a sub role.
However, if you are new to BDSM, and want to check if you like it, there are a few things you can try.
Light spanking
Spanking can be a general fantasy for both men and women. You can start with light hits with the palm of the hand and then move on to paddles. Spanking doesn’t just have to be on the butt. Some like in on or near their genitals. Spanking near the vagina on the butt can add to sexual excitement.
Tying with a scarf
Some may fantasise about bondage during sex. If you like holding your partner’s hands while sex or have fantasies of tying him or her up, you could be into bondage. Starting with a sift material is good as there is no danger of real damage with them. You can really mess up if you jump into ropes directly and there could be accidents. For ropes, you need to learn from a master to get maximum pleasure from it. That is why using scarves at first is best.
Role playing
You could try sub or dom positions by role playing. Act as if one of you is the sub and the other is the dom. You don’t have to get into the full costumes and instruments right away. Start slowly, test the waters and then jump.
Sex toys
You could either small toys or use daily objects that can be substituted as toys. Brushes, wooden spoons, rules or spatulas can be used as paddles. But you must be careful, as different materials feel differently against the skin. Some can be soft and some abrasive. So be cautious.
Blindfolding
Sensation play through blindfolds is one way you could implement snippets of BDSM. In this, one person is restrained and blindfolded. Then they are given sensations with various objects. It could be pinching of the nipples or caressing of the armpits. The restrained person surrenders and enjoys the surprise of the sensation.