Is it true that once a cheater is always a cheater? Will someone who have cheated on you do it again? Infidelity is a multifaceted thing. In fact, there are several studies which cite that the percentage of people who’ve cheated on their spouse is about 20% to 70%. With such a wide range of possibility that you’re with a cheater, surely there is more to this than initially meets the eye.
People cheat for a number of reasons. Some cheat because they feel lonely. Some cheat because they don’t feel sexually attracted to their spouse anymore. Still, some cheat because they simply see nothing wrong with dipping their toes in all available ponds.
All the different reasons above can be a deciding factor if you’re thinking of taking back a cheater. Each reason can significantly affect the outcome of your decision and for a good reason. To help you decide if taking back a cheater would be worth it, below are some questions that you should seek answers for.
Are you 100% sure that the affair has been ended?
If your spouse is still in contact with the other person, then it can only be a matter of time before their affair is in full swing again. You should only consider getting back with a cheater when you’re certain that they’re no longer interested in cheating anymore.
Does your spouse show sincere guilt and remorse for cheating?
If your spouse sees cheating as just a temporary break from marriage or that it is the result of your shortcomings, then it can be possible that your spouse isn’t really remorseful and does not view having an affair as wrong. People who do not think they did anything wrong will likely do the same thing again. Are you sure you want that?
Can your relationship still be salvaged?
If you have no more feelings for your spouse or if one of you do not have a real desire to get back together, then trying to go back to a normal married life would be a real challenge. Sometimes cheating isn’t the main issue. You have to know when to let go and when it would be best to move out of each other’s life or face affair after affair in the future.
Is your spouse a pro at compartmentalizing?
A defense mechanism used by people to separate conflicting thoughts and feelings is compartmentalization. By itself, it is quite common. It is what we use when we act a different way when around family as compared to when we are at work.
Here’s the catch, though; people who are very good at compartmentalization are also quite good at lying. They are also good at doing things that seem totally out of character and then be able to revert back to their ‘real’ self after. The same people have no issues with going for an affair because they consider it as something that isn’t a part of their married life.
Does your spouse have friends or family who’ve cheated?
It is easier to excuse a less-than-savoury behavior when it seems common. When someone sees cheating as something that simply happens around them, they can begin thinking that it is acceptable and is just a normal part of everyday life; therefore, putting them at risk to cheat too.