The Inscriber Magazine first introduced Citizen Soldier as a band on the rise in 2021.
Since that time Citizen Soldier has released several albums and singles. More importantly their songs tend to touch on the topic of mental health. So The Inscriber Magazine has now created the ultimate playlist of songs which is on Spotify. Make sure to listen as the lyrics are powerful.
No.1 “Caroline”
The title of the EP released by Citizen Soldier in 2017. “Will we come to the day where we find her alone. There’s nothing left of her to save? She just wanted a place, we got in the way. What a shame. How far from heaven did she fall? With broken wings, she barely crawls. No reasons left to stay alive. If there’s a god, where’s he tonight? For Caroline.”
No.2 “If These Scars Could Speak”
“Can you hear them, Will you listen? Can you hear them, Inside of my head…? I fight a war within. Will I make it through the night?”
No.3 “Better Than I Used To Be”
“Patience don’t come easily. And growth is perfect’s enemy. And healing ain’t a guarantee. But when I slow down I can see, I still got mountains to climb on my way out of bed. I still got oceans to cross inside of my own head. But I’m not losing sleep, ‘Cause I’m a little bit better than I used to be.”
No.4 “ICU”
“I see you. Wonderin’ how you came unglued. Feelin’ like your whole life’s screwed. ‘Who could love me this way?'”
No.5 “Let it Burn”
“Fading fast, now you are cancerous. I know you feel hopeless at the end of your rope now. The fear is eating you alive. So I’ll be your reason, I’ll be your shelter. I will not let you say goodbye.”
No.6 “Heavy”
This song features SkyDxddy. “Avoid me when I’m vulnerable. My story makes you so uncomfortable. Feels like being brave is what gets you discarded. Don’t get me started, don’t get me started.
The disbelief deep in your eyes and saying I need help. Left a crater in my mind that makes me blame myself. What good’s the truth if it keeps getting disregarded? Don’t get me started.”
No.7 “Rock Bottom”
“My breaking point, so far behind. My limit’s in the rearview, I’ve crossed every line. A thousand times I should have died. How much can one heart take, how am I still alive? (Am I still alive?)”
No.8 “Victim or Survivor”
Features Icon For Hire. “I’ve got more skeletons. Than cemetery’s hold. No wonder living life. Feels like a funeral. The kind of traumatized. No one will ever know. That made me fantasize
About just letting go.”
No.9 “Better Off Broken”
“I don’t wanna breathe deep, I’m tired of mindful. When even the smallest things in my life are making me spiral. I had no say, inherited a hemorrhaged heart. It’s so unfair that every day is this hard. I wanna be normal for so many reasons. Like I’ll never have the time that I need for anger and grieving. Basic functioning’s becoming such a chore. What would I be like if they’d cared a little more?”
No.10 “Monster Made of Memories”
“I’m a cage, I’m a prison for what no one sees. Ashamed like I’m sleeping with the enemy. And no one believes me, but I’m six feet deep. With a monster made of memories. It’s alive, like a parasite inside of me. And it feeds of the trauma of what used to be. But there’s no shred of evidence ’cause I don’t bleed. From this monster made of memories.”
No.11 “Burden”
“You can talk, you can talk to me. I can tell that you’re not okay. You can spill your guts, I won’t leave. You are not a burden to me. You can talk, you can talk to me. Even down in your darkest place. You can let your skeletons scream. You are not a burden to me.”
No.12 “Weight of the World”
No.13 “Limit”
Features Lo Spirit. “So, tell me, where do you run when you’re at your limit? (Where do you run? Where do you run?) And tell me, who can you trust to be the one to witness? (When you) you come undone. ‘Cause I don’t feel like someone I can love. Don’t think it’s worth it talking ’bout the thoughts I tried to end with a gun, yeah. I just wanna heal and say it’s done (don’t wanna run)
But I don’t know how I’m gonna fight when I’m at my limit, limit. Yeah, I think I’ve reached my limit, limit. But I learned how to live with it.”
No.14 “Reason to Live”
“How many times have you reached out for anyone’s hand. From the depths of your personal hell? And then counted the ways you could end all your pain. ‘Cause you’re so tired of saving yourself
I’m a stranger at best, but please don’t second-guess. All the hope that you hear in my voice. This is not some cliche, promise you if you stay. Someday you’ll see that you were well worth that choice.”
No.15 “Never Good Enough”
“But it’s in my DNA. Everything you give me. I somehow will disgrace. I never asked to be like this. A grave mistake you can’t forgive. A filthy stain, oh, what a shame. Can you just wash me away?”
No.16 “Be Somebody – Reignited”
Citizen Soldier is featured in this song by Thousand Foot Krutch. “After all the lights go down. I’m just the words you are the sound. A strange type of chemistry. How you’ve become a part of me
And when I sit alone at night. Your thoughts burn through me like a fire. You’re the only one who knows. Who I really am.”
No.17 “Thank You For Hating Me”
No.18 “Talk Me Down”
“These thoughts drag me away. Down to the darkest place. But no-one’s listening. But no-one’s listening. People I have to chase. Prove I’m not worth the pain. ‘Cause no-one’s listening
Why won’t they listen?”
No.19 “Face to Face”
“No one ever held my hand. Always me against the world. At war with monsters in my head. Kept digging down ’til I hit gold. I’m not ashamed of who I was. You’ll never take this fight from me
You’ll see, I’d rather die on my feet, than live on my knees.”
No.20 “Too Loud”
“Stuck on a loop, it’s an endless song. Of every little thing that could ever go wrong. I will detonate if it plays too long. It goes on, and on, and on, and on. It’s too loud in my brain and I never get away. It’s too much, I’m ashamed that I don’t know how to change. The more I try, I doubt that I believe this thing called ‘peace of mind.’ It’s too loud, I need space. Wanna breathe, but don’t know how. It’s too loud. It’s too loud.”
No.21 “Pretend My Pain Away”
“When I needed to be loved. You were the jury and the judge. Refused to understand. It messed me up so bad. The more you tried the less you helped. It only made me hate myself. Can’t stand one second more. In the home you never were. I can’t pretend my pain away. I can’t outrun the pouring rain. In my head, in my head. It’s like I’m hiding a hurricane.”
No.22 “Never Ending Nightmare”
Featuring Kellin Quinn. I close my eyes, it’s there waiting for me. Finds me every time, will I never be free? There’s a monster I caged deep behind my eyes. I can never escape, I’ve been running for miles. When the morning comes, I know it will still be there. My never ending nightmare.”
No.23 “Hospital Bed”
“What if I pushed out? The ones that cared the most. What if I’m too proud? To let anybody close. What if I turned my heart to stone? ‘Cause nothing hurts when hollow’s home
What if I cope by letting go? And I’m the reason, I’m alone.”
No.24 “Bedroom Ceiling”
“When I’m at my worst and I’m so ashamed. I open up and nobody stays. Oh no, am I that messed up? ‘Cause I trust this room more than anyone. Let me be alone. ‘Cause I’ve already found the perfect therapist. Hanging from my home. And nothing feels better than to cry like this.”
No.25 “Say Nothing”
Features Lexx. “Where do you go when you’re healing way too slow? Cause the pressure I feel. To keep it all concealed. Makes me wanna be alone. On the surface I’m fine, but the walls are caving in. It’s a struggle no doubt. I’d rather shut down. Than be judged for who I am. Feelin’ like a burden for hurtin,’ And I don’t know why.”
No.26 “Just Be Happy”
“You make me feel like I’m crazy when I’m not okay. It’s more than I can take, you think my pain is fake. Say it to me, say it to me. If you think my scars are make believe. Say it to me, say it to me
If you want me to break then tell me to just be happy. Just be happy.”
No.27 “If I Surrender”
“If you could see all my abuse. And spend a day inside my shoes. You’d realize why I just wanna lose. You’d realize why I just wanna lose. Will anyone believe the hell of being me. Before I decide to be the dying proof? So let me fall, let me break. Under everything unsaid. Just let me die ’cause I can’t take, living with what’s in my head. If I surrender, surrender. To the monsters in me
If I surrender, surrender. To the monsters in me, will it set me free?”
Yet at the end of “If I Surrender” is a question to ponder. “If I surrender, surrender. To the monsters in me. Will it set me free?”
No.28 “I Hate Myself”
“So many things I would change. But more than anything, I wish somebody loved me as much as I hate myself. I wish somebody listened as much as I go through hell. For every time I’ve thought of ending it all, wish somebody had felt what I felt. I wish somebody loved me as much as I hate myself.”
No.29 “Through Hell”
“I’ve learned there’s beauty in the danger. There’s meaning in the misery. Someday you’ll look back at what it made you. And you’ll never be the same. I had to go through hell, through hell. To be the person I am today. Had to find myself, myself. Climbing a mountain of my mistakes (mistakes). ‘Cause I was worth the war that’s underneath my skin. And if I had to, I would do it all again.”
No.30 “I Wish I Could Cry”
Features Halocene. “I’ve had to wear a thousand faces. Be fake to just replace this panic that my past holds tight. Now every feeling’s lost it’s flavor cause I feel so much safer. As frozen than in fight or flight. I’ve learned that I’d rather suffer I would rather agonize. Than lose the little things just for the alibi. That taste of tender love is worth a sacrifice. I’m living not alive.”
No.31 “Always December”
“Black and white only colors I see. Sunless sky, somehow stuck on repeat. But I hold it all down. Don’t want anyone to feel this but me (but me). I’m only free from it when I’m asleep. The more I think, the more I feel myself sink. Back to this empty place. It’s a nightmare I could never explain (never explain). No one sees, but it’s always December in me. No matter where I go, it’s pouring rain. In my head, seasons never change. And it’s killing me.”
No.32 “Tattoos”
“Until I learned that you can’t change the past. Just choose the frame. So I’ll keep writing songs. Until they know my name. ‘Cause there’s a kid out there that’s hearing this, that’s in that place.
And now I wear my scars just like tattoos. Because I’m so damn proud of what they put me through. I’ve learned without a doubt every mark that, makes you feel worthless, can give you a purpose. And now I wear my scars just like tattoos.”
No.33 “I’m Not Okay”
“It’s a mask, it’s a lie. It’s the only home I’ve ever known. ‘Cause being who I really am. Has only left me more alone. I am not okay and I need you to see it. I have so much to say and no one to hear it. The reason I keep quiet with so much at stake. I always feel like a burden, let it silence me. You’ll never understand why it’s so hard to say, I’m not okay.”
No.34 “Would Anyone Care”
“Would anyone notice, If tonight I disappeared? Would anyone chase me, And say the words that I need to hear? That I’m no burden. Not so worthless. Bent so much that I just might break. All-consuming, so confusing. The questions that keep me awake. Would anyone care, would anyone cry, if I finally stepped off of this ledge tonight?”