A sociopath is a person with an inability to feel empathy, guilt, understanding, or love. There is a sort of short circuit in their brain that doesn’t allow these normal emotional responses to be felt. A sociopath has a way of making you feel inferior or intimidated by their charisma and confidence, but it is the ability to manipulate and change themselves to fit any situation they are in that makes them dangerous.

I was in a serious relationship with a sociopath recently, and it wasn’t until I got out of that relationship and did some research that I realized what I truly had been dealing with. Readers discretion advised from here on out. This article may touch on sensitive subject matter and may cause emotional distress to the reader.

I met my ex, (whom we will name John for privacy reasons) at my work one night through a mutual friend. He came off as a highly intelligent, affectionate, confident guy whom also seemed quite humble and modest at the same time. He showed interest in me, my hobbies, my life, and my goals and dreams. To me, at the time, he seemed like a dream guy. He was handsome, smart, funny, and interested in getting to know me for me. Too bad I didn’t know then what I know now.

The first few months everything was perfect. He was so kind and loving. The way he smiled at me, the way he touched me, it was all perfect. Then the year mark came, and I proposed. He smiled and said yes, and I couldn’t have been happier. But that is when things started to change.

He began to blame me for everything, even if it was my own concerns or feelings. He made me feel bad for not being happy all the time. He made me feel as though I was lucky to have him because nobody could ever love someone like me. He would use my past against me, even the past from before he came into my life.

If I didn’t like something he had done or said to me, I somehow caused it and I needed to change it. At one point, he made a dating profile and blamed me for it saying I wasn’t giving him enough attention, even though at this point, my life revolved around him.

The mental and emotional abuse got worse with time, eventually I was being accused of cheating every day even though aside from going to work, I was home with him. I didn’t go see friends or make plans for fear that he would start a fight and embarrass me around them, as he had done before many times.

Eventually, the emotional and mental abuse evolved into spurts of physical violence. When I would stand up for myself or defend myself, I would find myself at his mercy. At one point, I had been knocked unconscious on a cruise ship and awoken with a hematoma the size of a golf ball on my forehead. At another point, I had bruises across my neck, and other times, my arms and legs. I began losing myself and losing sight of who I once wanted to be. I was empty, broken, and all I had left in the world was him.

Over the next few months, things escalated to the point where the thought of returning home after work was a nightmare. The idea of sleeping with him made me hate myself. I wanted to die more than I wanted to live. And that’s because inside, I was already dead. That is when I decided to end it. However, I made a grave mistake when I did. I ended the relationship, but I didn’t leave. So, over the next few months, things were just as bad as ever if not worse. I couldn’t even think about dating or making friends because he would only break me down for it and ruin those relationships.

Eventually, I got to the point where I realized I needed help. I needed to leave. So, I confided in my boss, and my closest friend. And between the 3 of us we devised a plan of action to set into play when I was ready. And after weeks of my friend (whom we will call Angel) telling me where it would inevitably end if I stayed, and her calling me out on the bruises, and reminding me how badly I needed to leave. She was my rock and motivated me to do what needed done.

And at 11:30 at night on a Friday, when things were very heated, I packed my things and called my boss. My boss was there within minutes and picked me and all my belongings up and took me to Angel’s house. My ex had a lot of terrible things to say to say to me after that and he even had the audacity to ask if I was done playing games. Eventually with the support of my friends, I blocked him from being able to contact me and I let go.

I have now been free a month and I’m still learning to rebuild the part of me he broke. I’m learning my confidence again and going out with my friends again and rebuilding relationships that he had cost me in the past. I’m finding myself again.

The thoughts of what would have inevitably happened had I stayed still scare me. And I’m not sure how id react if I ran into him again. All I know is had I stayed, I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this. I wouldn’t be alive to tell my story. I wouldn’t be smiling and looking to the future with optimism and hope.

So, to my readers learn from my mistake, don’t stay in a situation that is harming you in any way. You deserve to be happy and nobody in the world has the right to take that from you. And if you are ever in a situation that isn’t safe for you to get out of, get help. Do not be afraid to ask for help.

You are not pathetic, you are not a victim. You are a strong person for asking for help. Never forget that.

Till next time my readers,

Brittany says. xoxo

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