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Dating and Relationships: Q and A With Amazon Best-Selling Author, Richard Kuhns

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With the COVID-19 pandemic going into it’s sixth month and from early spring into fall, many things have changed and become the norm.

Things such as contact-less food deliveries, no-contact rules, wearing masks on planes to even simple interactions have all been altered by the coronavirus. Even in the realm of dating,  COVID-19 has been behind the growth of adult entertainment sites such as OnlyFans.com and a growth in online dating relationships via Tinder, Instagram, etc.


With reported potential vaccines now in trail and set to be made available within the next few months, could this global-changing virus be at it’s end?

While we may or may not know, one such person who may have an idea of how COVID-19 had changed dating is Amazon best-selling author, Richard Kuhns. Kuhns, born in Manchester Maryland, Kuhns is a spritely 73-years-young from Middletown, NJ and is an Amazon best-selling author.

Of his many books, “My Dog Got Run Over by a Rainbow,” about how to build true self-esteem co-authored by Dr. Joe Vitale is a must read for anyone struggling with their self-esteem; and that seems to be everyone at one time or other. With COVID-19 raging on and the effects it has had on those who have chosen to self-isolate or become anti-social due to the virus, is one book that many should consider picking up.

In addition to “My Dog Got Run Over by a Rainbow,” Kuhns is also the author of many CD’s such as Dating a Bipolar Personality, Self Confidence, Inner World of Tranquility to manage stress.

Below is my Q and A with Richard as we talk about COVID-19, the effects it has had on dating, relationships, social media and how to find that perfect match in 2020.

With COVID-19 keeping us all in for the better part of five months now, do you feel that “dating” as we know has forever been changed?

I believe it’s an age dependent issue. The older of us, 50 or older, who may have health issues are forever changed until the virus is history like the Swine Flu. But, being that Covid-19 hasn’t been caught early and may actually mutate, it may be a forever thing. The only hope is that a vaccine will be available to eradicate it like measles have been largely eradicated.

The younger, less susceptible, group may not be as affected. They are the ones you see videos of in large gatherings without wearing masks and not respecting social distancing. It may be too soon to predict whether they will be dramatically affected as time goes on. But right now, it seems that many are daring the odds. Not to say that there isn’t a significant percentage of the younger set that do take the virus very seriously for which their dating habits will also be dramatically changed until a vaccine saves us.

How exactly does one “date” on-line in this age of Social Media?

This is a particularly a huge challenge for those who, in the past, depended on using coffee shops, restaurants, movie theaters, museums, and so on for initial dating experiences. Now, the setting is outside coffee shops and restaurants. The theaters and museums may be further down the road.

My book, Internet Dating for Dummies Like Me, reveals a creative option to all the typical first date meeting places.

The option is to have your first date at your date’s home. Sound crazy? At first glance, most might be critical of that idea for several reasons:
1. The gal might be fearful of being sexually molested or assaulted.
2. You heard of the Craig’s List Killer.
3. If the date goes sour, the host just can’t get up and leave.

These are all real concerns and fears, not only for having a stranger come to your home, but in any dating environment. Going on a date with someone new is always risky as are discussed in my book.

  1. Sexually molested. This can happen after meeting someone in a cocktail lounge with roofies put in one’s drink. The goal is to downsize your risk. And you downsize your risk by getting to know your prospective date before you actually meet. In this world of scams and untrustworthy people it always a good idea to do some recognizance.

►Google their name and see what comes up.
►Check them out on Face Book and Instagram.
►Ask for their address and do a background check.
►Do texts and email exchanges for at least two weeks during which time get to know important details such as past marriages and relationships. Look for signs as to whether they are into gambling, drugs, booze. Look for signs of PSTD and or bipolar issues as revealed in my CD “Relationship With BiPolar Personality”

  1. Craig’s List Killer. Most assume this was a guy killing women – not so. It was a couple with the female luring men to their house.
  2. The date goes sour and you want your date to leave. This is an easy one. You can fain a headache or stomach upset. Or, you can have a back-up plan. Take a bathroom break and call a friend to drop by for some reason or other.

Why and how do you go to your date’s home for your first date? You just don’t say, “Let’s get together at your place.” No, the idea has to make sense to your date and be a reasonable alternative to exposing oneself in a public setting to Covid-19.

For me, I had many food sensitivities and restaurants meant risking allergic reactions. So, I’d introduce my allergy problem and I’d write something like, “I know it may seem strange or a lot different, but how about I do my chef thing and make dinner for us at your place or mine?”

With Covid-19 it makes even more sense to avoid the public and have the first date at either home – it’s is an no brainer.

There are many benefits to this approach which are explained in my book. The bottom line is that you bypass the coffee shop, restaurant, flea market, movies, museum, walk on the beach, awkward kiss or no kiss at the front door at the end of the date – you are already at the promised land.

But, if you’re the guy, are you a good cook or chef? No fear, the recipes in my book, Internet Dating for Dummies Like Me is chock full of easy to follow recipes for any dummy. It’s the perfect antidote to the Covid-19 dating crisis and confusion.

Do apps such as Cupid, POF, Tinder and Instagram make dating harder or easier?

Now that Covid-19 has limited us from utilizing many options for places to meet the opposite sex, the dating aps and dating sites like Chemistry.com are the place to be. Choose a site that has the highest number of prospects to date in your geographical area. Rather than maybe meeting only one person at a dance, you can meet a dozen on these aps, get to know them, and narrow it down to the one/s that you click with on line and take it to the next step.

Is it better to meet and “date online” as opposed to in real life?

The answer is whichever happens first. For the extremely shy and self-conscious dating on-line is the way to go for several reasons.

1. You are not on the spot to come up with what to say or do. No pick-up lines required as you might need at a dance, cocktail lounge, grocery store, clothing store, and so on.
2. Your initial contact is in the comfort of your living room or office.
3. You don’t have to worry about your physical appearance.
4. You don’t have to be anxious whether you’ll be judged by your looks – no need to be self-conscious at this level. Your photo is already out there.
5. You won’t be on the spot to respond to texts or emails, but instead come up with several responses and then chose the best.

What do you feel causes anxiety in relationships?

It generally comes down to the impression you make.

Fear of what your date will think of you. Will your date:
1. Like the way you look? Do your clothes match? Your posture?
2. The way you sound? Is your voice squeaky or mousy?
3. What you say? Fear that you’ll say something stupid.
4. Your intelligence? Will you seem stupid or ignorant to your date?
5. What you do or don’t do? Personal habits

What is the best way to deal with stress in a new relationship?

New relationships can bring all kinds of stress. When to meet your date’s family? Just as you were concerned or perhaps even fearful of your date initially liking you, you may be concerned about whether your date’s family will like you. What kind of impression you will make? Will you be accepted into the family? Will you feel outclassed? Will you be good enough in their eyes?

If there are children involved, will they get along and also like and respect you?

Fact is there is no advice that will guarantee a 100% pleased outcome, but there are several tips that will load the outcome to your favor.

First, is frame of mind. Rather than make this all so serious, remember this, “Don’t Make Life Too Serious as You’ll Never Get Out of it Alive,” author unknown.

Secondly, let’s look at confidence. Now it would be amazing it you could be hypnotized to be totally confident in yourself, be creative, entertaining, and loveable. True, you may benefit from using one of my hypnosis CD’s, Self Confidence or Inner World of Tranquility also known as Activating Self Motivation.

But the big problem is that many sabatoge their confidence with poor habits. Here are just three of the seven or so habits that are revealed in my book, “Confidence Rich, Hate Your Old Self and Love Your New Self.” The habits that kill any prospect of being confident are:
1. Gallows Laugh: This is when you say something serious and then give a half-hearted laugh (haha) after your statement. This totally negates the value of what you said and shoots your confidence down.
2. Your posture: slouched posture while sitting, chicken posture where chin protrudes forward, military posture where chin is back giving a rigid appearance are postures that project either poor confidence or that you’re stuck up.
3. Ah, yep, duh, anda: These are often used to fill in silence which is not a good thing. Get rid of them. Remember, “silence is golden.”

Here’s another valuable tip to use while meeting your date for the first time or any of your date’s family. It comes from Dale Carnegie. Be interested, not interesting. In other words, avoid being full of yourself or trying to impress, but instead be interested in those that you meet and be humble.

Lastly manage stress by:

► having a good physical workout prior to any date or meeting to release stress hormones which drop IQ and creativity.
► Do something prior to your date that brings a sense of accomplishment to set a frame of mind of success.
►Avoid telling friends or others about your first date or expectations.
►Use deep breathing techniques throughout your date or meeting to cancel out any anxiety that may build.

What are the top qualities one should look for?

  • Look for shades of gray. Avoid individuals who are black or white in their opinions and are incapable understand the middle.Look for individuals who are not into blaming others for their short comings or past failed relationships.
  • Look for those who are at peace with their past relationships and are free of their baggage. Those who have released and let go.Look for those who have had relationships with alcoholics or drug addicts. It’s easy to feel sorry and maybe pity them but realize that spouses of addicts have often been enablers and perhaps driven their spouse to be addicts.

    Look for someone who can look into your eyes and connect with you.

Any final thoughts or advice for those looking to try to get into the COVID-19 dating pool?

Regarding Covid-19, whether your date is at your date’s home, outdoors at a coffee shop or restaurant, walk in the park, it makes sense to question your date as to whether your date may have been exposed to the virus from someone in the family, social, or work place.

And it makes sense to wear effective masks when in public. Since the virus can also be transmitted from touching and infected surface and then touching your face, I have a hypnotic program at www.stoptouchingyourface.com

My Dog Got Run Over by a Rainbow http://www.SelfEsteemCure.com

Internet Dating for Dummies Like Me http://dstressdoc.com/Internet_Dating.html

Dating a Bipolar Personality CD http://dstressdoc.com/BI_Polar.html

Self Confidentce CD http://dstressdoc.com/Self_Confidence.html

Inner World of Tranquility CD http://dstressdoc.com/Activate_Self_Motivation.html

 

Special thanks to Richard Kuhns and Britt Scott over at Garis Talent Agency for their time and assistance.

 

 

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Robert D. Cobb
Founder, Publisher and CEO of INSCMagazine. Works have appeared and featured in places such as Forbes, Huffington Post, ESPN and NBC Sports to name a few. Follow me on Twitter at @RobCobb_INSC, email me at robert.cobb@theinscribermag.com

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