I have had several of my own nightmare online first dates. Such as, the man I went out with, whom, I then consequently saw on an episode of “Evil Twins” on the Investigation Discovery channel; As well as the man who claimed to be a foreign diplomat….. needless to say, he wasn’t!!
I will be sharing these stories in future articles, but right now I would like to share with you a comic tale as told by Skye Pearson.
My friend Skye, who met her husband at 19, suddenly found herself a widow at the age of 35. She was then thrust into, the very unknown to her, land of online dating. A place she never thought she would be.
After grieving, she, with the encouragement of friends, joined an online dating site. This would prove to be quite discouraging, yet humorous, at times, as she describes in her book-“Just A Click Away: Memoirs of Online Dating”.
Here is one of her many “interesting” first date experiences, she entitled “The Short End of the Stick”
“The Short End of the Stick”
From “Just A Click Away: Memoirs of Online Dating”
By Skye Pearson http://a.co/8N7YMhq
“Before meeting Andrew, I wasn’t very familiar with online dating as I had only dated a couple of men before I met him. I had mixed feelings about dating. It could be a lot of work or a lot of fun. It was a gamble.
Andrew and I began communicating via emails and eventually began speaking on the telephone. He had his picture posted in his profile. I thought he was an attractive man with brown hair and blue eyes. I am a sucker for men with blue eyes! He also had a great smile.
We decided to meet in a local upscale diner. We agreed to meet inside the diner, near the cocktail lounge, by the hostess desk. I went into the diner at the agreed-upon time, but didn’t see Andrew. I waited a few minutes. No Andrew. I looked at my watch. He was already ten minutes late. I decided I would wait for another five or ten minutes and then leave.
As I stood by the reception area, I glanced at the people in the cocktail lounge to see if Andrew was waiting there. After a couple of minutes passed, I heard someone calling my name from the cocktail lounge. I saw quite a few men, but none who remotely resembled Andrew. Again I heard, “Skye, Skye, I’m here.” I began to think my eyesight was failing me because I didn’t see Andrew’s face but could a voice calling me.
Then I felt someone tugging at the sleeve of my coat. A very sexy, deep voice said, “Hi Skye, I am glad you could make it.” I turned around. There was no one there. “Skye,” I heard again. I felt a hand on my wrist. Still, I saw no one. “Skye, I’m right down here.”
There below me stood a man barely four feet tall. He put out his hand. Weakly, I held my hand out, trying to collect myself. I was speechless, which doesn’t happen often. I stood by the reception desk with my mouth hanging open. I’m sure Andrew could see the look of shocked disappointment on my face.
In retrospect, if Andrew pulled this surprise on other dates, he was probably accustomed to that shocked look. I tried to regain my composure and behave like a lady. Needless to say, I was very disturbed by his height and the fact the he had failed to divulge it to me.
My feelings kept drifting back and forth. I felt pity for this man, and anger at him for not telling me that he was half my height. I felt like asking the hostess for a booster seat.
Whenever I was in the midst of a bad date, I kept an imaginary “cartoon cloud” in my head. Every time I suffered through yet another date from hell, I pictured in my mind what comments I would put in my cartoon cloud. This date was no exception to the rule. My cartoon cloud might have the caption:
“Does he think I’m Snow White?” or “Please bring me the poison apple, I’ll eat it right now;” or ”I knew he wasn’t a doctor, but I never dreamed I’d be on a date with ‘Doc!’”
We sat down in a booth and ordered coffee. He began talking, small talk (pun intended) from what I vaguely remember. “Well, I guess you are having a little trouble with the height thing.” Andrew said with a sheepish grin on his face. I looked at him and said, “Well yes, it would have been nice to know that you were…” I searched for a politically correct word, “… height challenged.”
Andrew interrupted. “If I told you that I was a dwarf, would you have gone out with me?”
I struggled with my reply. In my imaginary cartoon cloud, my answer would have been either “not if you were the last man on earth” or “I’m not even attracted to short men.” I decided to be as tactful as possible. “Truthfully, no I wouldn’t have gone out with you,” I said. “It should have been my decision rather than being tricked into meeting you.”
As I thought of his deception, my temper was getting the better of me. Andrew started to say something about loving a person for who they are and not how short or tall, but I interrupted him. “Do you think most women would go out with you even if you are a liar?” I asked. “Probably not,” he said. “Although I’m comfortable with the reality that I suffer from dwarfism, I don’t like being rejected by women because of my height.”
Andrew was quite the manipulator, wasn’t he? I was far too angry with him to be manipulated into dating him, under any circumstances. I thought about what he said. “Andrew, there are social clubs for dwarves, why don’t you join one of those so you can meet women who are dwarves?” He said, “I don’t want to date women that are dwarves. I am only attracted to women who are of normal height.”
How is that for irony? Andrew tricked me into going on a date and is upset that I do not want to date a dwarf, yet he has no qualms about not wanting to date a female dwarf! Talk about reverse prejudice!
I sat there plotting and planning my escape. After what seemed like an eternity (probably closer to fifteen minutes), I stood up and put on my coat. I told him, “Listen, I’ve got to go.” “Okay Skye, but there is just one thing I want to tell you before you leave,” he said. “Even though I’m a dwarf, I could really rock your world! I am very well endowed and could make you scream for more. No woman has ever left my bed unsatisfied,” he said with a smug grin.
If my cup of coffee were still hot, I would have poured it on his lap. His comment would have pissed me off had he been six feet tall. I was infuriated; my sarcastic tongue had yet to unleash some of my anger. I looked him in the eye and said, “For a little guy, you have a huge pair of balls! If you ever want to get a date with ANY woman–short, tall, thin, fat, whatever she may be–you’d better learn some manners and how to tell the truth”. I turned and walked briskly out the exit door. I jumped into my car and practically sped out of the parking lot. I couldn’t wait to put some distance between myself and this horrible date.
For more online first date horror stories, you can find the book
“Just A Click Away: Memoirs of Online Dating” By Skye Pearson on Amazon and Kindle.
If you would like one on one online dating and/or profile help you can email Victoria Rose at firstname.lastname@example.org
~ Victoria Rose