Compatibility in a relationship goes beyond the initial checklist of arbitrary yes/no qualities. If you’re involved in a relationship with a partner or significant other, chances are that you’ve grown and changed in ways which can lead you to periodically want to assess whether you’re still ‘right’ for one another.
For couples with commitments and children, this task can be even harder. How can you qualify compatibility with so many responsibilities at stake?
Below are a few ways of identifying pain points in your relationship and ways you can either mend or challenge the compatibility divide.
Building Up, Not Putting Down
Do you and your significant other spend more time putting each other down than building each other up? Do you insult each other and offer unrestricted criticism at times where in the past you may have let things slide? Do you harbour resentment or stress toward your partner for seemingly small or petty slights?
These are all examples of relationship behaviours which negatively impact upon quality of life. If these are the reality of your relationship (it might be the time to consider a good divorce lawyer in Melbourne), you need to take drastic action.
What might seem micro-aggressions or normal marital infighting can very quickly spiral out of control.
The Bigger Picture
Although the smaller frustrations and concerns can add up, sometimes it can help to sit down and take stock of the bigger picture.
When was the last time you spent time with your partner evaluating whether or not you were working toward the same goals? Do you have a similar outlook on the world, and have a way of seeing and approaching issues which is harmonious?
If not, it might be time to talk about these differences. An impartial ear (such as a counsellor) can help to put grievances into perspective while also minimising the risk of any discussion devolving into insults or arguments.
Do you share time talking about your separate activities and interests and discuss things which are bothering and concerning you? Do you spend time communicating face to face, or does one of you (or both) spend more time communicating to others via digital devices?
Emotional availability is important to the continuing health of a relationship. Making time for simple activities like face to face communication and conversation can nurture the intimacy and the connectedness of people in a committed relationship.
Sometimes a positive change can be as easy as removing digital devices from the bedroom and initiating tech-free days and date nights. Small changes like these can help to normalise face to face emotional connection, and will help you to figure out whether you’re still truly compatible.
Dream A Little Dream
Sharing dreams and goals with your significant other can help you get through tougher times. Having shared goals can improve the chances of couples trying to save money or effect lasting change in many areas of life.
Make time to outline your dreams and goals with your partner, and ask them to outline any of theirs that they may not have shared. If you make an extra effort to listen and follow through on supporting your partner in any common or individual goals, you will present a stronger, more united force.
Reinforcing the connection and compatibility within a relationship is an essential health check you should be performing on your relationship periodically. By addressing any key problems and issues early, you can avoid much more costly and emotionally draining problems later on, and save the pain and heartache for both parties further down the track.